This morning, someone in my office teased me with this statement-
"Funny thing we still see you around in the office so often though you are about to leave here for good."
And I was like "What the fuck?"
What are you actually trying to mean with a statement like THAT?
Am I NOT suppose to be seen in the office despite this is my last week here?
So, you are suggesting that I should return to my cozy bed after thumb-ing in at 8am?
Holy crap!
I do admit that such 'act' is not unfamiliar but how come it's uttered by some senior staff?
What the heck is wrong? Sometimes I wonder...
Aren't you suppose to be proud that your subordinates come to work on time and stick their asses on the office chairs 8-5?
Shouldn't you be nagging at those MIAs?
Why the hell are you encouraging the wrongdoings and despise those who are sticking to the bright side?
I think the world SERIOUSLY needs a redefinition of what's black and white.
Monday, December 13, 2010
Thursday, December 9, 2010
Crumbling
I think it's high time to change the name for my blog to-
ASYLUM FOR THE INSANE
Ok, fine! What I did was just add IN to SANE, but this will do its job- To update souls, especially MYSELF on MY current mental state.
Some sort of a sure feeling keeps striking me. A haunting, taunting echo of sound waves whisper eeriely in my ears...
I KNOW my mental state is slowly deteriorating...
The very sane part of my brains are slowing giving in to the lure of dark insanity...
Do I allow this to take place?
In a way, it's kinda difficult to answer this riddle.
Part of me has already fallen into the trap of madness; in fact, found assurance from the maddenning calls of insanse thoughts. Yet, there is also one tiny voice peeking from a slight shining pin-sized hole calling out to me...
I think THAT would be my sanity.
DO I answer to sanity's call?
I wish I could...
Who wants to feel the piercing pain of reality shit when you can be drunk in the cradle of insanity which is the only sanctuary that accepts you for who you are?
I am forcing myself to drown in this dark allure only because I am so lost in the light...
I can still see that beem of light, in a distance not too far,
but...
I wish I can wipe it out.
(FYI, I'm neither on drugs nor alcohol when writing this. Just plain dark sweetness of madness)
ASYLUM FOR THE INSANE
Ok, fine! What I did was just add IN to SANE, but this will do its job- To update souls, especially MYSELF on MY current mental state.
Some sort of a sure feeling keeps striking me. A haunting, taunting echo of sound waves whisper eeriely in my ears...
I KNOW my mental state is slowly deteriorating...
The very sane part of my brains are slowing giving in to the lure of dark insanity...
Do I allow this to take place?
In a way, it's kinda difficult to answer this riddle.
Part of me has already fallen into the trap of madness; in fact, found assurance from the maddenning calls of insanse thoughts. Yet, there is also one tiny voice peeking from a slight shining pin-sized hole calling out to me...
I think THAT would be my sanity.
DO I answer to sanity's call?
I wish I could...
Who wants to feel the piercing pain of reality shit when you can be drunk in the cradle of insanity which is the only sanctuary that accepts you for who you are?
I am forcing myself to drown in this dark allure only because I am so lost in the light...
I can still see that beem of light, in a distance not too far,
but...
I wish I can wipe it out.
(FYI, I'm neither on drugs nor alcohol when writing this. Just plain dark sweetness of madness)
NEVER SAY NEVER TO A PERSON WHO NEVER SAYS NEVER
Incidents, one after another, have taught me well with this one lesson-
NEVER RELY ON MEN 'CAUSE EVENTUALLY THEY'LL JUST LET YOU DOWN
My interpretation of 'men' here is certainly no limited to the XY chromosomes merely. It applies to all mankind regardless gender.
I do not trust the words of men any more than I do that of blasphemies from a mad man.
Can I burn in flames of angst for the 10,000 promises they make? Do I even have the rights to have a slight twitch of disappointment in my heart after the great setback they bombard me with? Afterall, who am I to these people?
I experienced this so many times that I no longer feel any emotions when the words like 'No', 'Sorry', 'I can't...' came cutting like flesh-slashing frostbites. All I can do is just to strike a poker face and say 'It's ok.' (with a smiley)
Don't get me wrong. I'm NOT blaming ANYONE in this post. If there is, then the person would be me. Me, who is naive enough to trust the sweet words of men, sugar-coasted with icing frost and chocolate syrup only to give me cavities, obesity and diabetes at the end of the day.
I know that NO ONE needs to comply to my wishes and demands. But I AM TIRED LISTENING TO THE WORD 'NO'.
It's just another EMO me, having able to write crude things like above merely reflects the draining of energy, of positive Qi from my very sate of being.
That's why I'm surrounded by such negativeness that has been whirling inside me.
There's no way for me to unleash this whirlpool of emotions without hurting the people around me. I am too kind for such explosive outburst-method. Which is why this place IS my only escape. I never invite any souls to visit my blog but if you do, that is because YOU chose to do that YOURSELF, not by any means of force or rape.
Maybe some will hurt when they read this. I'm truthfully sorry for the damage I've caused and will cause. But come to think again, you too put a wholelotta pain on me when you uttered words of dejections.
There's always a price to pay when you come uninvited. Considered yourself warned!
NEVER RELY ON MEN 'CAUSE EVENTUALLY THEY'LL JUST LET YOU DOWN
My interpretation of 'men' here is certainly no limited to the XY chromosomes merely. It applies to all mankind regardless gender.
I do not trust the words of men any more than I do that of blasphemies from a mad man.
Can I burn in flames of angst for the 10,000 promises they make? Do I even have the rights to have a slight twitch of disappointment in my heart after the great setback they bombard me with? Afterall, who am I to these people?
I experienced this so many times that I no longer feel any emotions when the words like 'No', 'Sorry', 'I can't...' came cutting like flesh-slashing frostbites. All I can do is just to strike a poker face and say 'It's ok.' (with a smiley)
Don't get me wrong. I'm NOT blaming ANYONE in this post. If there is, then the person would be me. Me, who is naive enough to trust the sweet words of men, sugar-coasted with icing frost and chocolate syrup only to give me cavities, obesity and diabetes at the end of the day.
I know that NO ONE needs to comply to my wishes and demands. But I AM TIRED LISTENING TO THE WORD 'NO'.
It's just another EMO me, having able to write crude things like above merely reflects the draining of energy, of positive Qi from my very sate of being.
That's why I'm surrounded by such negativeness that has been whirling inside me.
There's no way for me to unleash this whirlpool of emotions without hurting the people around me. I am too kind for such explosive outburst-method. Which is why this place IS my only escape. I never invite any souls to visit my blog but if you do, that is because YOU chose to do that YOURSELF, not by any means of force or rape.
Maybe some will hurt when they read this. I'm truthfully sorry for the damage I've caused and will cause. But come to think again, you too put a wholelotta pain on me when you uttered words of dejections.
There's always a price to pay when you come uninvited. Considered yourself warned!
Pending Decisions
There is a long list of reasons why I hate to include people in decision-making. Call me fussy, bossy whatever. I don't give a shit. I just hate it when my plans have to live on other's mercy.
I admit that I don't have patience for ANYTHING. If I want something to be done NOW, means NOW, not 'later la...', 'aiya, chill la...', 'wait la...'. Don't fucking ask me to chill when the procedure is URGENT, as in I want it ASAP?!!!
Very sorry to say that I am no teamplayer. I DO NOT compromise. I DO NOT take excuses (especially stupid ones). I DO NOT like to wait!!! Every second is precious to me. And because of one small decision that I had to wait for others to make will cost me a lot. I don't have so much free time like you guys. I don't take things easily like you do. My brain will NOT stop from working out solutions. And the fact that you keep me waiting for so long drains my energy and that's why I hate it!
I AM SELFISH! I want things to be done MY way and not yours! My matters are urgent to me and if they are not to you then why is it that I need to include you in MY decision-making? Why do I have to give in to you?
Sometimes I wish I can just tell straight to your faces and say FUCK OFF!
But I can't...and I really hate myself for being such a wussy!
Now, there's another one hour and 45 minutes to 5pm. You better come back with a decision that fits mine or you'll NOT be in MY plan tomorrow!
CHOOSE!
I admit that I don't have patience for ANYTHING. If I want something to be done NOW, means NOW, not 'later la...', 'aiya, chill la...', 'wait la...'. Don't fucking ask me to chill when the procedure is URGENT, as in I want it ASAP?!!!
Very sorry to say that I am no teamplayer. I DO NOT compromise. I DO NOT take excuses (especially stupid ones). I DO NOT like to wait!!! Every second is precious to me. And because of one small decision that I had to wait for others to make will cost me a lot. I don't have so much free time like you guys. I don't take things easily like you do. My brain will NOT stop from working out solutions. And the fact that you keep me waiting for so long drains my energy and that's why I hate it!
I AM SELFISH! I want things to be done MY way and not yours! My matters are urgent to me and if they are not to you then why is it that I need to include you in MY decision-making? Why do I have to give in to you?
Sometimes I wish I can just tell straight to your faces and say FUCK OFF!
But I can't...and I really hate myself for being such a wussy!
Now, there's another one hour and 45 minutes to 5pm. You better come back with a decision that fits mine or you'll NOT be in MY plan tomorrow!
CHOOSE!
Monday, December 6, 2010
Me Sick ;(
Had a reeeeally sucky weekend ;(
Was down with fever, migraine, sore throat, cough, runny nose bla bla bla...
Spent almost 48 hours in bed trying to ease the nerve-shattering pain hammering in my head...
What a lousy way to spend the weekends. What a waste ;(
Pills the size of 50 cents coins became my subtle food during the wretched weekends...
~sigh~ even after choking on so many pills, the fever has yet to subside. The on and off rising temperature really kills my mood.
Oh, and there goes my voice. I wonder how long I have to bear with this husky nasal-like voice that sound so not me ;( When can I get my pretty voice back???
Thanks to the gooey mucus stuck in my nostrills, now I sound like some Russian spy sent to a tropical country for secret missions :(
And look! Today's Monday, yet I'm still stuck with this annoying flu.
When will it go away? I wonder...
Was down with fever, migraine, sore throat, cough, runny nose bla bla bla...
Spent almost 48 hours in bed trying to ease the nerve-shattering pain hammering in my head...
What a lousy way to spend the weekends. What a waste ;(
Pills the size of 50 cents coins became my subtle food during the wretched weekends...
~sigh~ even after choking on so many pills, the fever has yet to subside. The on and off rising temperature really kills my mood.
Oh, and there goes my voice. I wonder how long I have to bear with this husky nasal-like voice that sound so not me ;( When can I get my pretty voice back???
Thanks to the gooey mucus stuck in my nostrills, now I sound like some Russian spy sent to a tropical country for secret missions :(
And look! Today's Monday, yet I'm still stuck with this annoying flu.
When will it go away? I wonder...
Friday, December 3, 2010
ENOUGH!
"Don't worry. You will never witness this again once I head back to the university."
I wanted so badly, to throw these words straight to your face!
But I didn't...
What went wrong? I'm already in tears just trying so fucking hard to figure out the core of your irritation.
Who are you to control my life? Yes, you are my mum but I'm already 24 years old, for your information!
Can't I live up to the way I prefer to? Anyway, what's so wrong about my current lifestyle?
Do I do drugs?
Do you see me puffing cigarettes like no other people's business?
Am I shaking my head off with blasting music in pubs or clubs?
I don't even touch a single drop of liquor, don't I?
Have you witness me fucking with random guys? Married or otherwise?
Was I ever stupid enough to make myself pregnant and opt for abortion to uphold the family's dignity?
FUCK! I've never even held hands with ANY XY chromosomes!
So now YOU tell me how is it that my lifestyle irks you so much?
Just because I hang out with my GIRL friends in cafes like OLD TOWN twice a week without fail pisses you off I suppose?
WHAT THE FUCK?!!!
And what the hell you mean by I'm indecent when I visit the karaoke once a month?
For your information, singing karaoke in places like Dream Box is absolutely CLEAN physically, mentally and emotionally. It's nothing like those whore house karaoke clubs you see on Hong Kong dramas!
Perhaps it's high time to change that 'conservative' perspective of yours! Though I doubt you'll ever do so!
I'm earning my own cash LEGALLY and I'm not using a single cent of yours when I hang out with my friends.
So,
WHY DO I HAVE TO COMPLY WITH ALL THE RULES YOU SET?!!!
Do you think I not know my boundaries? Have I ever fallen into the trap of those crap activities that I personally felt disgusted by them?
I seriously think that you don't know me anymore! Like how I can't figure you out lately...
Feels like I'm trapped in those four walls with a sadistic stranger who never ceased to insult and pick fights with me.
Is it so hard for you to just say these three words- "I need you?"
Do you know I've been thinking about leaving home for good? 'Cause all the fights, crude remarks and angry faces we put on each day is stealing away the air I need to breathe.
It's suffocates to live in the same house with you.
Every morning I look forward to lock the gates behind me and stay away from anything that reminds me of you.
And when evening comes, I wish the pendulum can freezes time. I don't want to go back to hell just to see your fucked up face and listen to your endless nagging.
Do you realize I no longer share my daily working experience with you over dinner?
Because I know it's all bullshit to you.
You don't care if I'm mortally wounded by the ups and downs just as much as I don't want you to care!
There's no need, and certainly it's no necessity.
For you've stated clearly that your responsible as a mother is done and you no longer have the liability to take care of me.
You even want me to leave YOUR house!
Have you ever think about what if I REALLY leave? For good?
Will that make you a happier person? Will your life be more peaceful than that of now? You DO look forward to my leaving from your life, don't you?
If it's not, then how is it that you are able to utter such evil words that pierced the very core of my reason to existence?!
Perhaps everything would be in place if I was never born into this world, to you...
I know I have a fucked up attitude that pisses you off. But am I not allowed to feel pain and show my emotions on my face when you pour poison from your mouth on me? I'm not made from steel and stones you know?! Instead, flesh and blood! YOUR FLESH AND BLOOD! And you don't seem to possess any form of control over the scorching acidic words you sneered at me!
Don't try to shit me around saying that this is just part and parcel of life and I NEED all these bullshit to grow strong and be able to withstand challenges in life!
BLASPHEMY!
YOU- are the greatest challenge in my life and do you expect me to overcome you? A person who calls herself MY mother?
I'm being filial enough to stay by your side for so long. I don't runaway from home when you yell at me. I kept silent when you "discipline" me. I open my mouth to speak only when my limit is at the verge of bursting.
And you say I'm a bullshit.
Well, think again. You were the one who said that kids give parents a reason to live meaningfully regardless the mischief.
You think I want so badly to give you a reason to live?
Hah! I don't give a damn actually. In fact, I never wished for children at all!
You knew life WILL be difficult the moment you chose to keep me. Then why all the complains now?
Sometimes I just wish I could stir the angst in you enough to grab a knife and stab me in the chest.
That way, I can die in the hands of the person who brought me to life.
Not that I want you to live with the guilt and mourning.
It's just that I still can't find a better solution to this issue other than either of us leave. And if that day comes, I'll make sure it's me!
'Cause life is still meaningful to you and it is no longer at such to me.
At 24, I can't go out with my friends as I wish. I can't spend my hard-earned money on the things that I want. I can't get away from you. I haven't achieve anything BIG. I never knew what love is. I limit myself to only people that I like. I'm still not a perfect daughter to you etc etc etc...
Life deems no meaning to me, you see.
Really wanna put my life to an end if things do not progress the way YOU want. I'm tired of catching up with the pace you set to my life.
I CAN'T be the person you want me to be.
Sorry I turn out to be something so opposite to what you've expected of me.
Nothing can be done and if there's any, I will not compromise!
I'm old enough to be the person who I wanna be. And if you don't like it...I'm just dead speechless and will not say any shit.
You just have to accept who I am.
But don't you worry. This will not last long. I promise.
In one month's time, I'll be gone from your sight, not for good, yet. But will certainly give you space to be left alone in that house WITHOUT me. The way you preferred.
And I'll make sure I resist myself from casual visits during the weekends like how I used to. Even if I'm back, I would rather stay in a cheap motel or snuggle in the bed of an old girl friend than to return to the place you've chased me out from.
I wanted so badly, to throw these words straight to your face!
But I didn't...
What went wrong? I'm already in tears just trying so fucking hard to figure out the core of your irritation.
Who are you to control my life? Yes, you are my mum but I'm already 24 years old, for your information!
Can't I live up to the way I prefer to? Anyway, what's so wrong about my current lifestyle?
Do I do drugs?
Do you see me puffing cigarettes like no other people's business?
Am I shaking my head off with blasting music in pubs or clubs?
I don't even touch a single drop of liquor, don't I?
Have you witness me fucking with random guys? Married or otherwise?
Was I ever stupid enough to make myself pregnant and opt for abortion to uphold the family's dignity?
FUCK! I've never even held hands with ANY XY chromosomes!
So now YOU tell me how is it that my lifestyle irks you so much?
Just because I hang out with my GIRL friends in cafes like OLD TOWN twice a week without fail pisses you off I suppose?
WHAT THE FUCK?!!!
And what the hell you mean by I'm indecent when I visit the karaoke once a month?
For your information, singing karaoke in places like Dream Box is absolutely CLEAN physically, mentally and emotionally. It's nothing like those whore house karaoke clubs you see on Hong Kong dramas!
Perhaps it's high time to change that 'conservative' perspective of yours! Though I doubt you'll ever do so!
I'm earning my own cash LEGALLY and I'm not using a single cent of yours when I hang out with my friends.
So,
WHY DO I HAVE TO COMPLY WITH ALL THE RULES YOU SET?!!!
Do you think I not know my boundaries? Have I ever fallen into the trap of those crap activities that I personally felt disgusted by them?
I seriously think that you don't know me anymore! Like how I can't figure you out lately...
Feels like I'm trapped in those four walls with a sadistic stranger who never ceased to insult and pick fights with me.
Is it so hard for you to just say these three words- "I need you?"
Do you know I've been thinking about leaving home for good? 'Cause all the fights, crude remarks and angry faces we put on each day is stealing away the air I need to breathe.
It's suffocates to live in the same house with you.
Every morning I look forward to lock the gates behind me and stay away from anything that reminds me of you.
And when evening comes, I wish the pendulum can freezes time. I don't want to go back to hell just to see your fucked up face and listen to your endless nagging.
Do you realize I no longer share my daily working experience with you over dinner?
Because I know it's all bullshit to you.
You don't care if I'm mortally wounded by the ups and downs just as much as I don't want you to care!
There's no need, and certainly it's no necessity.
For you've stated clearly that your responsible as a mother is done and you no longer have the liability to take care of me.
You even want me to leave YOUR house!
Have you ever think about what if I REALLY leave? For good?
Will that make you a happier person? Will your life be more peaceful than that of now? You DO look forward to my leaving from your life, don't you?
If it's not, then how is it that you are able to utter such evil words that pierced the very core of my reason to existence?!
Perhaps everything would be in place if I was never born into this world, to you...
I know I have a fucked up attitude that pisses you off. But am I not allowed to feel pain and show my emotions on my face when you pour poison from your mouth on me? I'm not made from steel and stones you know?! Instead, flesh and blood! YOUR FLESH AND BLOOD! And you don't seem to possess any form of control over the scorching acidic words you sneered at me!
Don't try to shit me around saying that this is just part and parcel of life and I NEED all these bullshit to grow strong and be able to withstand challenges in life!
BLASPHEMY!
YOU- are the greatest challenge in my life and do you expect me to overcome you? A person who calls herself MY mother?
I'm being filial enough to stay by your side for so long. I don't runaway from home when you yell at me. I kept silent when you "discipline" me. I open my mouth to speak only when my limit is at the verge of bursting.
And you say I'm a bullshit.
Well, think again. You were the one who said that kids give parents a reason to live meaningfully regardless the mischief.
You think I want so badly to give you a reason to live?
Hah! I don't give a damn actually. In fact, I never wished for children at all!
You knew life WILL be difficult the moment you chose to keep me. Then why all the complains now?
Sometimes I just wish I could stir the angst in you enough to grab a knife and stab me in the chest.
That way, I can die in the hands of the person who brought me to life.
Not that I want you to live with the guilt and mourning.
It's just that I still can't find a better solution to this issue other than either of us leave. And if that day comes, I'll make sure it's me!
'Cause life is still meaningful to you and it is no longer at such to me.
At 24, I can't go out with my friends as I wish. I can't spend my hard-earned money on the things that I want. I can't get away from you. I haven't achieve anything BIG. I never knew what love is. I limit myself to only people that I like. I'm still not a perfect daughter to you etc etc etc...
Life deems no meaning to me, you see.
Really wanna put my life to an end if things do not progress the way YOU want. I'm tired of catching up with the pace you set to my life.
I CAN'T be the person you want me to be.
Sorry I turn out to be something so opposite to what you've expected of me.
Nothing can be done and if there's any, I will not compromise!
I'm old enough to be the person who I wanna be. And if you don't like it...I'm just dead speechless and will not say any shit.
You just have to accept who I am.
But don't you worry. This will not last long. I promise.
In one month's time, I'll be gone from your sight, not for good, yet. But will certainly give you space to be left alone in that house WITHOUT me. The way you preferred.
And I'll make sure I resist myself from casual visits during the weekends like how I used to. Even if I'm back, I would rather stay in a cheap motel or snuggle in the bed of an old girl friend than to return to the place you've chased me out from.
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Rain Drops Keep Falling On My Head
I really hate the feeling of being dejected.
It makes me feel so small, as if I don't exist at all...and this hurts my pride...
It was not until yesterday that I really tasted how bitter helplessness is.
The nerve-chilling rain drops almost broke my skin as I stood outside your doorsteps.
No one answered the doorbell...
I called out your name, perhaps nine or ten times...
Still...no one answered...
I can only hear the eerie howlings of the wind.
The rain tasted bitter to my tongue...one moment I thought it was my own tears ;(
Now I know how pathetic it is being waiting outside someone's door under the pouring rain...
Seen that a lot on TVs, but never thought I will end up like this too...
And you are not even my lover :(
It makes me feel so small, as if I don't exist at all...and this hurts my pride...
It was not until yesterday that I really tasted how bitter helplessness is.
The nerve-chilling rain drops almost broke my skin as I stood outside your doorsteps.
No one answered the doorbell...
I called out your name, perhaps nine or ten times...
Still...no one answered...
I can only hear the eerie howlings of the wind.
The rain tasted bitter to my tongue...one moment I thought it was my own tears ;(
Now I know how pathetic it is being waiting outside someone's door under the pouring rain...
Seen that a lot on TVs, but never thought I will end up like this too...
And you are not even my lover :(
Up to Something SNEAKIE~~~
For the past one week, my life in the office had been SUPER boring.
This is what I do during my 8am-5pm working hours:- (forgive me if this irks you)
1. Switch on lappie
2. Sign in:-
Facebook
Twitter
Blog
3. Oh, and not forgetting- Youtube. Downloaded heaps of videos just to kill time
4. Watch Japanese Anime- NANA (occassionally)
5. Eat
6. To the loo~~~
7. Head back home
And the above lifestyle is being repeated again and again and again...
I know I should be giving praises of thanks to God for such priviledge bestowed upon me but...
I don't know...it's like I'm eating gaji buta plastering my ass on the office chair fixing my eyes on my laptop screen doing things which are CERTAINLY NOT stated and will never be in my job description :P
Can life be more sucky than this?
I mean it's great to be able to receive my paycheck on time each month despite all the crap I'm doing in the office. But isn't working life suppose to be full of ups and downs to at least keep me interested and entertained before I head back home facing those four walls again?
Sigh~~~
Nothing seems to be that of my expectation...
Hope I don't die like this =.=lll
Well, thank goodness one of my colleagues came up with a splendid idea to kill time and get entertained at the same time- Harry Potter at 12:30pm
And I was like- YEA! Let's do it babeh!!!
Really looking forward to this outing. At least I won't be stuck in this tiny place, exposing myself to radioactives emitted from the pcs and laptops all around me.
But this won't be THE way to solve all the boredom that will repeat itself tomorrow and the day after tomorrow...
Yiks!!!
Let's not talk about what will happen tomorrow shall we? Hmmm? :)
This is what I do during my 8am-5pm working hours:- (forgive me if this irks you)
1. Switch on lappie
2. Sign in:-
Blog
3. Oh, and not forgetting- Youtube. Downloaded heaps of videos just to kill time
4. Watch Japanese Anime- NANA (occassionally)
5. Eat
6. To the loo~~~
7. Head back home
And the above lifestyle is being repeated again and again and again...
I know I should be giving praises of thanks to God for such priviledge bestowed upon me but...
I don't know...it's like I'm eating gaji buta plastering my ass on the office chair fixing my eyes on my laptop screen doing things which are CERTAINLY NOT stated and will never be in my job description :P
Can life be more sucky than this?
I mean it's great to be able to receive my paycheck on time each month despite all the crap I'm doing in the office. But isn't working life suppose to be full of ups and downs to at least keep me interested and entertained before I head back home facing those four walls again?
Sigh~~~
Nothing seems to be that of my expectation...
Hope I don't die like this =.=lll
Well, thank goodness one of my colleagues came up with a splendid idea to kill time and get entertained at the same time- Harry Potter at 12:30pm
And I was like- YEA! Let's do it babeh!!!
Really looking forward to this outing. At least I won't be stuck in this tiny place, exposing myself to radioactives emitted from the pcs and laptops all around me.
But this won't be THE way to solve all the boredom that will repeat itself tomorrow and the day after tomorrow...
Yiks!!!
Let's not talk about what will happen tomorrow shall we? Hmmm? :)
Monday, November 29, 2010
HUH?
Why is it that some individuals can easily point their accusing fingers at others sans thorough investigation?
I hate those eyes glazed with suspicion. EVIL!
Can you be more irritating than THIS?
Don't make me look so fucking stupid as if I don't know what's going about in this work place!
I mean c'mon please la...Would I not be aware if my students are having their finals today? Can't you take the efforts to check in the intranet whether I am teaching that what? Methodology course?
Hell!!!
I just came back from lunch and there and then you came 'bugging' me like an annoying housefly!
Hello! I'm NOT teaching that course and that kid who didn't came for his/her exam is not MY student!
Why is it me that first came to your mind? Am I THAT irresponsible?
And please la people, THINK before you say anything. A slight misinformation will cause havoc, don't you see?
People just don't learn don't they? :(
I hate those eyes glazed with suspicion. EVIL!
Can you be more irritating than THIS?
Don't make me look so fucking stupid as if I don't know what's going about in this work place!
I mean c'mon please la...Would I not be aware if my students are having their finals today? Can't you take the efforts to check in the intranet whether I am teaching that what? Methodology course?
Hell!!!
I just came back from lunch and there and then you came 'bugging' me like an annoying housefly!
Hello! I'm NOT teaching that course and that kid who didn't came for his/her exam is not MY student!
Why is it me that first came to your mind? Am I THAT irresponsible?
And please la people, THINK before you say anything. A slight misinformation will cause havoc, don't you see?
People just don't learn don't they? :(
Friday, November 26, 2010
@#$%&*?!
I've been using so much vulgar words within these few days more than I am supposed to in my entire lifetime :P
Then again, is there (by chance) any other simpler way to express anger?
If there is, please show me!
'Cause seriously I am kinda out of 'curse words' if ever the situation exacerbates!!!
Kinda sad how things turn into the way they are now (in a bad way...)
I don't mean to 'toxify' the image of a fair lady I am supposed to be... Not that I want to be one anyway :P
But sometimes, people just tick you off and BAMB!!! There goes the strings and strings of never ending swears and curses~~~
However, I still think my situation is mild, in fact, VERY mild.
Til now, no one has actually died from my anger. Suffer, maybe but DEFINITELY no casualties yet!
I guess I'm quite good in sheilding my fury under the poker face mask. Except for the swearing of course.
Someone almost killed me when they said that I don't look pissed enough to use 'certain' swear words (not qualified, hah!) 'cause I was still smiling whilst cursing like fireworks on Fourth of July.
These people will be the death of me!!!
Can't you see if I really unleash the fury beast inside me, all living things will DIE mercilessly!
Well, people, I still very much wanna go to heaven for your information. So, I will NOT stain my hands with innocent blood!
My anger is my own. I know how to control it and need not need any individuals to comment how well of sucky my poker face is.
Who cares anyway right?
Then again, is there (by chance) any other simpler way to express anger?
If there is, please show me!
'Cause seriously I am kinda out of 'curse words' if ever the situation exacerbates!!!
Kinda sad how things turn into the way they are now (in a bad way...)
I don't mean to 'toxify' the image of a fair lady I am supposed to be... Not that I want to be one anyway :P
But sometimes, people just tick you off and BAMB!!! There goes the strings and strings of never ending swears and curses~~~
However, I still think my situation is mild, in fact, VERY mild.
Til now, no one has actually died from my anger. Suffer, maybe but DEFINITELY no casualties yet!
I guess I'm quite good in sheilding my fury under the poker face mask. Except for the swearing of course.
Someone almost killed me when they said that I don't look pissed enough to use 'certain' swear words (not qualified, hah!) 'cause I was still smiling whilst cursing like fireworks on Fourth of July.
These people will be the death of me!!!
Can't you see if I really unleash the fury beast inside me, all living things will DIE mercilessly!
Well, people, I still very much wanna go to heaven for your information. So, I will NOT stain my hands with innocent blood!
My anger is my own. I know how to control it and need not need any individuals to comment how well of sucky my poker face is.
Who cares anyway right?
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Can't Wait ^^
Obviously despite all the gloomy black aura you see lingering around me these few weeks, I am sure hell happy for this one thing-
~I'm off to further my MA Sc TESL in January 2011~
A handful of people were kinda skeptical for the fact that a girl is furthering her studies, DITCHing her againg mum ALONE, RUNNING AWAY from financial responsibilities bla bla bla...
Well, I just have two words for people like that-
FUCK YOU!
Can't you see I am off to build a better future, as in FINANCIALLY better for both mum and me?
And years ago stereotypical statements like these 'crossed' my path and had me fuming in fire of angst until this very day!
"What's the use of girls furthering their studies? Just act pretty and get married!"
"No guys like girls who are smarter than them."
Well, I think I need to say this with actions in order to make a statement here-
FUCK YOU (with two middle fingers displayed)
If you can't overcome this inferior complex, then you are in the wrong century. I would suggest that you book a flight (if it ever exists) and travel back to the ice age if you shamefully fail to control your urge to dominate women!
p/s This article is purely fiction. Does not concern the dead, the living or the will-be-borns :P
I AM HAPPY FOR WHAT I'VE ACHIEVED YESTERDAY, WHAT I'M ACHIEVING NOW, AND WHAT I'LL ACHIEVE IN THE FUTURE!
~I'm off to further my MA Sc TESL in January 2011~
A handful of people were kinda skeptical for the fact that a girl is furthering her studies, DITCHing her againg mum ALONE, RUNNING AWAY from financial responsibilities bla bla bla...
Well, I just have two words for people like that-
FUCK YOU!
Can't you see I am off to build a better future, as in FINANCIALLY better for both mum and me?
And years ago stereotypical statements like these 'crossed' my path and had me fuming in fire of angst until this very day!
"What's the use of girls furthering their studies? Just act pretty and get married!"
"No guys like girls who are smarter than them."
Well, I think I need to say this with actions in order to make a statement here-
FUCK YOU (with two middle fingers displayed)
If you can't overcome this inferior complex, then you are in the wrong century. I would suggest that you book a flight (if it ever exists) and travel back to the ice age if you shamefully fail to control your urge to dominate women!
p/s This article is purely fiction. Does not concern the dead, the living or the will-be-borns :P
I AM HAPPY FOR WHAT I'VE ACHIEVED YESTERDAY, WHAT I'M ACHIEVING NOW, AND WHAT I'LL ACHIEVE IN THE FUTURE!
I Know I've Been Frickin' Moody Lately =.=lll
I know I shouldn't be saying this but...
Life's kinda wearing me out, especially these few weeks.
Often left me wondering if I can survive the next day, or even worst, the rest of today T.T
Why is it that life's so demanding towards a creature who wants nothing but a simple, quiet life?
Lately, my eyelids are so heavy I struggle to stay awake...
Not that I am sleepy.
Should just say I am physically, mentally and emotionally drained.
Sounds like bullshit to any 24 year olds out there, I suppose??
Young adults marks the beginning of their lives perhaps from the moment they get their first paycheck:-
financial stability = zero dependance on parents = buy own stuff = FREEDOM!!!
Now, can anyone please explain to me why I don't feel so?
Why is it that each day I feel more burden being placed on these frail shoulders? Not that I wanna run away from all the financial responsibilities. Neither am I escaping the duties to take care of my aging mum...
There's this unexplanable feeling of...I don't know...perhaps the best description is-
I AM FRICKKIN' TIRED OF LIFE~~~
I just don't know why I feel this way...
Oh, oh, perhaps I DO know what went wrong! And all of which starts with an 'If only mum':-
1. If only mum stops acting grumpy and naggy
2. If only mum place more faith in me
3. If only mum didn't call me a bullshit the other day
4. If only mum didn't question why am I still staying at her house
5. If only mum didn't utter those heart-piercing words during fights
6. If only mum realize I did pay for house expenses too
7. If only mum understand why I keep silent everytime we fight
8. If only mum listen more
9. If only mum learn how to stop worrying over microscopic matters
10. If only mum chose not to bring me to this world...
I know I'm being crude to just pin point my fucking finger at my mum for this shit I'm feeling but YES, I AM moody because of her.
God forgive me for writing this. I have to write, need to , MUST. Because no one understands this feeling more than I do. No one will emphatize, they'll just shot sympathetic glances which my pride cannot stand.
So, please 'legalize' this post so I can retrieve some sanity before I do something stupid to myself.
Life's kinda wearing me out, especially these few weeks.
Often left me wondering if I can survive the next day, or even worst, the rest of today T.T
Why is it that life's so demanding towards a creature who wants nothing but a simple, quiet life?
Lately, my eyelids are so heavy I struggle to stay awake...
Not that I am sleepy.
Should just say I am physically, mentally and emotionally drained.
Sounds like bullshit to any 24 year olds out there, I suppose??
Young adults marks the beginning of their lives perhaps from the moment they get their first paycheck:-
financial stability = zero dependance on parents = buy own stuff = FREEDOM!!!
Now, can anyone please explain to me why I don't feel so?
Why is it that each day I feel more burden being placed on these frail shoulders? Not that I wanna run away from all the financial responsibilities. Neither am I escaping the duties to take care of my aging mum...
There's this unexplanable feeling of...I don't know...perhaps the best description is-
I AM FRICKKIN' TIRED OF LIFE~~~
I just don't know why I feel this way...
Oh, oh, perhaps I DO know what went wrong! And all of which starts with an 'If only mum':-
1. If only mum stops acting grumpy and naggy
2. If only mum place more faith in me
3. If only mum didn't call me a bullshit the other day
4. If only mum didn't question why am I still staying at her house
5. If only mum didn't utter those heart-piercing words during fights
6. If only mum realize I did pay for house expenses too
7. If only mum understand why I keep silent everytime we fight
8. If only mum listen more
9. If only mum learn how to stop worrying over microscopic matters
10. If only mum chose not to bring me to this world...
I know I'm being crude to just pin point my fucking finger at my mum for this shit I'm feeling but YES, I AM moody because of her.
God forgive me for writing this. I have to write, need to , MUST. Because no one understands this feeling more than I do. No one will emphatize, they'll just shot sympathetic glances which my pride cannot stand.
So, please 'legalize' this post so I can retrieve some sanity before I do something stupid to myself.
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Haiz...Tak Jadi Pulak! =.=lll
I so looked forward to today- 18th November 2010.
"Anything big this day?" I hear you asked.
Sure hell yea~ If tossing my resignation letter counts!
All the shit lately stressed me up so much I just can't wait to brush off all the dirt and getta hell out of this place!
Plus, my Masters program is actually summoning me~~~ "Come to UPM now~~~"
You would never have guessed how much courage I need to gather before breaking this news to the ever 'concern' colleagues of mine =.=
I thought the process of handing in the letter would be a smooth one...
Sadly, it was not...
No one was available to verify my letter. Worst, I can actually hear whispers of gossipping among 'those' people about my leaving from this place even when I'm blasting off my eardrums with Adam Lambert's screeching screamings!!!
Hey, isn't quitting the job MY concern?!!! Who need yours?!!!
Yet, I have to put tis plan on hold until tomorrow...
Another day of gruelling anticipation...
Killing me cells!
"Anything big this day?" I hear you asked.
Sure hell yea~ If tossing my resignation letter counts!
All the shit lately stressed me up so much I just can't wait to brush off all the dirt and getta hell out of this place!
Plus, my Masters program is actually summoning me~~~ "Come to UPM now~~~"
You would never have guessed how much courage I need to gather before breaking this news to the ever 'concern' colleagues of mine =.=
I thought the process of handing in the letter would be a smooth one...
Sadly, it was not...
No one was available to verify my letter. Worst, I can actually hear whispers of gossipping among 'those' people about my leaving from this place even when I'm blasting off my eardrums with Adam Lambert's screeching screamings!!!
Hey, isn't quitting the job MY concern?!!! Who need yours?!!!
Yet, I have to put tis plan on hold until tomorrow...
Another day of gruelling anticipation...
Killing me cells!
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
If Only...Killing Is Legal
If killing is legal, where would be a scoll measuring a couple of kilometers long, inprinted with names of shitty people that I will and WANT to take my own sweet time torturing and slaughtering for my own satisfaction!
But there is this one particular organization that I sure hell will do anything to have them dead before night falls tonight.
I'll make sure none of them witness daylight ever again!
Curse them to damnation for this feeling of unbearable fear they have inflicted upon me.
Why should I be blamed for the shit you've guys done?
Damnit!
The internet is not a safe place to spill the exquisite details of the who-s, the why-s and the how-s this particular bunch of fuckers' been a pain in my ass for the past few months. So, sorry for leaving whoever's reading this blog with question marks dancing round their heads.
If you care to know, just speak to me in person...
But I doubt anyone will...
If killing is legal, I will not be here now typing away my angst!
If only...
But there is this one particular organization that I sure hell will do anything to have them dead before night falls tonight.
I'll make sure none of them witness daylight ever again!
Curse them to damnation for this feeling of unbearable fear they have inflicted upon me.
Why should I be blamed for the shit you've guys done?
Damnit!
The internet is not a safe place to spill the exquisite details of the who-s, the why-s and the how-s this particular bunch of fuckers' been a pain in my ass for the past few months. So, sorry for leaving whoever's reading this blog with question marks dancing round their heads.
If you care to know, just speak to me in person...
But I doubt anyone will...
If killing is legal, I will not be here now typing away my angst!
If only...
Tired...Of Life
Lately I've been so bothered.
So bothered that I feel that life's not worth living for another person!
Why is it that my sacrifices are always left unknown, unappreciated, even unwanted, at times?
Why is it that my life needs to be 'dictated' by someone else when it's supposed to be me?
And when shit happens, everyone shoves the blame to me!
I mean WHAT THE FUCK?
Why must you navigate all the decisions I want to make and strip me from all the damn rights I'm supposed to have?
Who gave you the fucking rights to make my life yours?
Whoelse will understand my situation? My feelings? My silent suffering?!!
HELL!!!
No one!
Am I meant to stay this way forever?
I'm just plain tired of my life right now!
How nice if I'm able to go through the metamorphosis cycle- having able to experience life with a different perspective in different stages...
Then...
Leave this agonizing, devastating and ever-so-disappointing land called Earth
with wings of a butterfly...
I do wish that life is short, right now...
So bothered that I feel that life's not worth living for another person!
Why is it that my sacrifices are always left unknown, unappreciated, even unwanted, at times?
Why is it that my life needs to be 'dictated' by someone else when it's supposed to be me?
And when shit happens, everyone shoves the blame to me!
I mean WHAT THE FUCK?
Why must you navigate all the decisions I want to make and strip me from all the damn rights I'm supposed to have?
Who gave you the fucking rights to make my life yours?
Whoelse will understand my situation? My feelings? My silent suffering?!!
HELL!!!
No one!
Am I meant to stay this way forever?
I'm just plain tired of my life right now!
How nice if I'm able to go through the metamorphosis cycle- having able to experience life with a different perspective in different stages...
Then...
Leave this agonizing, devastating and ever-so-disappointing land called Earth
with wings of a butterfly...
I do wish that life is short, right now...
Friday, November 12, 2010
BRRRRRRRRRRRRR~~~
Today's such a cold day.
In fact these few days, the weather is failing those who look forward to a glimps of sunshine...
It's so cold my fingers are turning blue, fingernails white, lips purple...
BRRRRRRRR~~~
My bones are aching into some kind of numbness that slows my typing speed.
Pathetic.
However, the physical coldness I feel can never be more destructive than that of the awkward coldness among mankind.
What would be the 'coldest' sh*t men can inflict upon each other?
1. Baby Dumping- Perhaps the most animalistic behavior ever displayed. Abortion is bad enough, but leaving newborns on doorsteps is no trend people!
2. Murder and Violence- It irks just to squash a millipede dead, so now tell me how can men take the lives of their own kind, even their own kids and spouse? F*cking madness! Must be DAMN heartless to commit such act, regardless the motive, intention, instruments and methods applied!!!
3. Divorce- All the 'I love you's , 'happily ever after's and 'till death do us apart's turn to ashes when two people, who once vowed in the name of love now claim that they no longer love each other. Do the separation (be it mutual or exclusive) prior to marriage! Do it not if children come into the picture. You can never emphatize the pain these chldren go through result of their parents' divorce.
4. Cheating against Spouse- Like what Adam Lambert said in his Glam Nation Tour, "No matter how much money, fame and sex you have, it doesn't mean anything unless it is connected with L.O.V.E". But that does not allow one to practice poligamy prior or after marriage! If you can't control the over-abundant 'agape' love of yours, then you might as well stay single and flirt all you want with no strings attached! Better still, don't love and go hurting others!
5. Lies- Be it 'Black' or 'White', lies are still lies. Lies are like personified viruses (virus with human personalities) in the TV series 'Fringe', they drill every nook and cranny just to expose themselves! In the end of the day, all the sh*t will come back to you and that's the colddess moment you'll ever feel because you have betrayed everyone's trust and no one will no longer pay any attention to you.
If I go on writing about all the cold sh*t among human, I can publish an autobiography with respect to all the sh*tty people who does cold sh*tty things! Good lord, it'll be the thickest book ever printed in human's history!
I guess I better stop now. Its nerve-shattering cold in this office and more revelation of cold heartless human acts will not help ease the situation here.
Now what I need is a cup of hot cocoa, a day bed with goose-feathered comforter and a hot, sexy rockstar lover to serenade me...
In fact these few days, the weather is failing those who look forward to a glimps of sunshine...
It's so cold my fingers are turning blue, fingernails white, lips purple...
BRRRRRRRR~~~
My bones are aching into some kind of numbness that slows my typing speed.
Pathetic.
However, the physical coldness I feel can never be more destructive than that of the awkward coldness among mankind.
What would be the 'coldest' sh*t men can inflict upon each other?
1. Baby Dumping- Perhaps the most animalistic behavior ever displayed. Abortion is bad enough, but leaving newborns on doorsteps is no trend people!
2. Murder and Violence- It irks just to squash a millipede dead, so now tell me how can men take the lives of their own kind, even their own kids and spouse? F*cking madness! Must be DAMN heartless to commit such act, regardless the motive, intention, instruments and methods applied!!!
3. Divorce- All the 'I love you's , 'happily ever after's and 'till death do us apart's turn to ashes when two people, who once vowed in the name of love now claim that they no longer love each other. Do the separation (be it mutual or exclusive) prior to marriage! Do it not if children come into the picture. You can never emphatize the pain these chldren go through result of their parents' divorce.
4. Cheating against Spouse- Like what Adam Lambert said in his Glam Nation Tour, "No matter how much money, fame and sex you have, it doesn't mean anything unless it is connected with L.O.V.E". But that does not allow one to practice poligamy prior or after marriage! If you can't control the over-abundant 'agape' love of yours, then you might as well stay single and flirt all you want with no strings attached! Better still, don't love and go hurting others!
5. Lies- Be it 'Black' or 'White', lies are still lies. Lies are like personified viruses (virus with human personalities) in the TV series 'Fringe', they drill every nook and cranny just to expose themselves! In the end of the day, all the sh*t will come back to you and that's the colddess moment you'll ever feel because you have betrayed everyone's trust and no one will no longer pay any attention to you.
If I go on writing about all the cold sh*t among human, I can publish an autobiography with respect to all the sh*tty people who does cold sh*tty things! Good lord, it'll be the thickest book ever printed in human's history!
I guess I better stop now. Its nerve-shattering cold in this office and more revelation of cold heartless human acts will not help ease the situation here.
Now what I need is a cup of hot cocoa, a day bed with goose-feathered comforter and a hot, sexy rockstar lover to serenade me...
Thursday, November 11, 2010
"If I Can Make A Change To This World That I'm Livin' In, I Would Be Some President For Some Country By Now!"
My job as a lecturer for my kids is about to end in 2 weeks, or perhaps 3 weeks time...
I should sigh in relieve~
Am I not?
Not exactly true...
Actually I'm kinda worried on behalf of my kids. (Sorry, I still refer my students as kids though our age gaps are just mere 2 / 3 years apart from each other XD)
I can't help but fear that my kids will flung in their finals.
Not that I didn't do a good job teaching and guiding them. My conscious are in fact very clear.
The core of all the fear that I am experiencing now originates from this particularly silly decision of mine to teach newly offered courses sans course notes, sans textbooks, sans guidelines.
Think of me a fool, a simple-minded, single-cell creature. (Yes, I do felt that every single second ever since I agreed upon such deceiving offer.)
Despite the lousy feeling as if I'm a tiny yacht sailing, no, even worse, drifting with absolutely no direction in the vast ocean; I've given my all for the sake of my kids. From notes to tutorial activities, assignments to quiz questions; all of those were drafted from scratch.
Not that I am taking pride on those things. No! In reality, it was a very risky move that I've taken to secure the on-going of every lesson that was bestowed upon me.
Authorities pointed their accusing fingers to me. Placing all the sins of their lack of efficiency on my frail shoulders. I would love to have created a Tamil scene with those people. If I want to. If I was able to...
But come to think again, who am I to complain? Life was never fair, is never fair and will never be fair. It will stay as a fact for a long long time and I've learned this lesson from the very early stages of my life. We'll just have to learn how to give and take, or so they say. But what if I have given so much yet received nothing in return? Damn the birocracy and red tape!
Or perhaps I should have defy gravity and make a change to this 'not so conducive' environment. Yet, again, who will listen?
"If I can make a change to this world that I'm livin' in, I would be some president for some country by now!"
But am I someone that people will take me seriously? I doubt it :(
Or so they say, 'You're just a kid. Do what you're suppose to do- SHUT UP!'
I should sigh in relieve~
Am I not?
Not exactly true...
Actually I'm kinda worried on behalf of my kids. (Sorry, I still refer my students as kids though our age gaps are just mere 2 / 3 years apart from each other XD)
I can't help but fear that my kids will flung in their finals.
Not that I didn't do a good job teaching and guiding them. My conscious are in fact very clear.
The core of all the fear that I am experiencing now originates from this particularly silly decision of mine to teach newly offered courses sans course notes, sans textbooks, sans guidelines.
Think of me a fool, a simple-minded, single-cell creature. (Yes, I do felt that every single second ever since I agreed upon such deceiving offer.)
Despite the lousy feeling as if I'm a tiny yacht sailing, no, even worse, drifting with absolutely no direction in the vast ocean; I've given my all for the sake of my kids. From notes to tutorial activities, assignments to quiz questions; all of those were drafted from scratch.
Not that I am taking pride on those things. No! In reality, it was a very risky move that I've taken to secure the on-going of every lesson that was bestowed upon me.
Authorities pointed their accusing fingers to me. Placing all the sins of their lack of efficiency on my frail shoulders. I would love to have created a Tamil scene with those people. If I want to. If I was able to...
But come to think again, who am I to complain? Life was never fair, is never fair and will never be fair. It will stay as a fact for a long long time and I've learned this lesson from the very early stages of my life. We'll just have to learn how to give and take, or so they say. But what if I have given so much yet received nothing in return? Damn the birocracy and red tape!
Or perhaps I should have defy gravity and make a change to this 'not so conducive' environment. Yet, again, who will listen?
"If I can make a change to this world that I'm livin' in, I would be some president for some country by now!"
But am I someone that people will take me seriously? I doubt it :(
Or so they say, 'You're just a kid. Do what you're suppose to do- SHUT UP!'
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Tired
I can’t help but hate myself lately. This hatred towards myself has been growing much stronger these past few months. Now, it’s even more intense. Whatever that I’m feeling now is so nerve-breaking. I don’t know who to share with and I doubt anyone can understand.
Sometimes I ask myself, “Am I too late for rebellion?” I see people around me begin to sort things out in their lives and lead a harmonious life with their love ones. And why is it that I only generate hate to mine and also to myself? What is wrong with me?
What is my true purpose living in this world? Why am I born only to make the ones that love me, hate me eventually? I feel as if my life is a hollow. Can anyone hear me? I’m suffocated by the negative-ness that I’ve drawn to my own self.
Just want you to know that it ain’t easy to be me. I put on a poker face for years just to shield the shame and sorrow. Everyone thinks that I am strong and capable of handling emotional and mental challenges. Yet, many fail to see the girl who crying for help and support when she was drowning in her own tears of sorrow. Perhaps it was all the tears that I’ve shed that taught me that no one will wipe away the tears except for God and yourself. For this, I became a loner, and would prefer to stay as such state for as long as possible.
“The Laser-Mouth Third Speaker”. That was the title I earned years ago and I am starting to hate it now. It is because of my big mouth I’ve hurt countless people around me. From friends to family, I know the blessing that I received from God has turned into disaster after I’ve misused it. I land myself in deep shit so many times, and I’m tired of it. Can I not do it anymore? I’m really tired, see?
Have been quite emotional these few days. Just wished that my dark-side twin will do no more damage to the already messed-up situation. I guess I’ll just have to wear my poker face yet another day to survive whatever that comes my way.
But somehow…
I’m really really REALLY tired of this shit!
Sometimes I ask myself, “Am I too late for rebellion?” I see people around me begin to sort things out in their lives and lead a harmonious life with their love ones. And why is it that I only generate hate to mine and also to myself? What is wrong with me?
What is my true purpose living in this world? Why am I born only to make the ones that love me, hate me eventually? I feel as if my life is a hollow. Can anyone hear me? I’m suffocated by the negative-ness that I’ve drawn to my own self.
Just want you to know that it ain’t easy to be me. I put on a poker face for years just to shield the shame and sorrow. Everyone thinks that I am strong and capable of handling emotional and mental challenges. Yet, many fail to see the girl who crying for help and support when she was drowning in her own tears of sorrow. Perhaps it was all the tears that I’ve shed that taught me that no one will wipe away the tears except for God and yourself. For this, I became a loner, and would prefer to stay as such state for as long as possible.
“The Laser-Mouth Third Speaker”. That was the title I earned years ago and I am starting to hate it now. It is because of my big mouth I’ve hurt countless people around me. From friends to family, I know the blessing that I received from God has turned into disaster after I’ve misused it. I land myself in deep shit so many times, and I’m tired of it. Can I not do it anymore? I’m really tired, see?
Have been quite emotional these few days. Just wished that my dark-side twin will do no more damage to the already messed-up situation. I guess I’ll just have to wear my poker face yet another day to survive whatever that comes my way.
But somehow…
I’m really really REALLY tired of this shit!
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
7 Reasons Why No One Reads My Blog
Suddenly this issue strucks me-
Why the hell am I posting blogs when no one bothers to read?
Kinda funny huh?
Well, I guess I've only got myself to blame.
Let me list my social networking flaws-
1. Scare number of friends to begin with ;(
2. Attitute that irks most human beings
3. No intentions to maintain a friendship unless significant (which explains why I only call a handful of friends- F.R.I.E.N.D)
4. Gets tired in a friendship easily unless that person is a package full of fun
5. Prefers to be alone (at all times) Too much of human contact will lead to the next flaw...
6. Easily ticked off
7. Low tolerance on people who call themselves 'my friend' just to poke their noses into my business (like I've said, I prefer to be left alone...at all times, if possible)
They say the number '7' is the perfect number. Deductively, the above are my 7 perfect flaws that I would never consider improving for anyone under any circumstances.
Because at the end of the day, this blog is a place I've created by myself; for myself ONLY!
Why the hell am I posting blogs when no one bothers to read?
Kinda funny huh?
Well, I guess I've only got myself to blame.
Let me list my social networking flaws-
1. Scare number of friends to begin with ;(
2. Attitute that irks most human beings
3. No intentions to maintain a friendship unless significant (which explains why I only call a handful of friends- F.R.I.E.N.D)
4. Gets tired in a friendship easily unless that person is a package full of fun
5. Prefers to be alone (at all times) Too much of human contact will lead to the next flaw...
6. Easily ticked off
7. Low tolerance on people who call themselves 'my friend' just to poke their noses into my business (like I've said, I prefer to be left alone...at all times, if possible)
They say the number '7' is the perfect number. Deductively, the above are my 7 perfect flaws that I would never consider improving for anyone under any circumstances.
Because at the end of the day, this blog is a place I've created by myself; for myself ONLY!
Use, Recycle And Reused- That's Their Definition Of Friendship
Ever felt like you're being used by your own friends?
The feeling is just plain lousy. In fact, frustrating at times.
They plan events behind your back, never involved you in any of their discussions and when they approached you, it's just because they need you as their chauffer.
What am I to you guys? I often wonder beyond yonder...
Am I that insignificant that you feel that there's no need to consider me in your damned lives?
Or is it that I'm always too available to say 'YES' to every wish you asked of me.
Well, guess what? FUCK that!
Just because I didn't show doesn't mean that I don't have any feelings.
If you think you can continue to manipulate the so-called friendship I bestowed upon us, then FUCK that again!
Because from THIS day onwards,
I'll learn to be the selfish person you taught me to be!
Go FUCK yourselves!
The feeling is just plain lousy. In fact, frustrating at times.
They plan events behind your back, never involved you in any of their discussions and when they approached you, it's just because they need you as their chauffer.
What am I to you guys? I often wonder beyond yonder...
Am I that insignificant that you feel that there's no need to consider me in your damned lives?
Or is it that I'm always too available to say 'YES' to every wish you asked of me.
Well, guess what? FUCK that!
Just because I didn't show doesn't mean that I don't have any feelings.
If you think you can continue to manipulate the so-called friendship I bestowed upon us, then FUCK that again!
Because from THIS day onwards,
I'll learn to be the selfish person you taught me to be!
Go FUCK yourselves!
Monday, November 8, 2010
Obsessions
What it is like to feel the intense obsession towards something or someone? ^^
Recollecting the memories, my first ever obsession should be this movie-
Yea, Titanic :) Never got the chance to watch it in the cinemas though ~sigh~, but there is a huge collection of merchandises stashed in the deepest corner of my cupboard. From stationary to the OST, you just name it! Even got my hands on some really cool Titanic poscards ^^ Imagine I was only at Primary 5 that time!!!
Then, Soo Yin came into my life and I got my very first taste of Japanese manga and animations :) I definately have to pay tribute to this particular manga-
Thanks to Slam Dunk I came to love basketball. But thanks to basketball, I sprained my left ankle and was told that I can never play the game again :(
When I was in Form 4, that was the age of RPG game!!! Was left to stare in awe when this particular game came to shore-
It was because of this game I persuaded my mum to buy me my first desktop :D breath-taking graphics, superb gaming experience, the trigger to the full usage of my creative right brain^^ Today, I'm still an avid fan of FF franchise.
Another good friend came by- Wendy. Don;t get me wrong! I'm not obsessed with Wendy, just obsessed with our friendship *wink* Wendy=The Sims- the most mind-blowing and creativity-straining game ever created and introduced into MY universe^^
I can spend 25 hours playing The Sims if ever God created 25 hours a day! I swear I will never get tired of this bloody game ^^ Now, that's what i call OBSESSION!
During my uni years, no guys saw me as a girl when I told them I watch this-
Skipped meals to buy the original DVDs! Induced insomnia on myself after watching too much of the anime :P Guessed it's from the radioactivity from my lappie...
Persuaded so many people to 'worship' this anime :P Am I guilty? I guess not, 'cause sharing is loving (according to my student^^) hehe...
Somehow in the mist of chasing after this never-ending anime got me bored, DAMN bored. So guys, no more Bleach for me...
Bleach was not the anime that stole tears. This did!
Obsessed with the surreal way Ai Yazawa narrate the story. Loved the sound track too! If ever I find myself a rockstar lover, it would have been someone like Ren Honjo. Sweet, sexy, yummy all in one package ^U^ PLUS, he plays both the electirc guitar and bass too ^^ dream lover :P
The obsessions of later chapters of my recent life (hehehe...) was all about Rock & Roll and Vampirism!
Larc~en~ciel @ Laraku- the best combination of both elements above^^ Hyde-san had me drooling all over him even though he is almost 40! Hottest Asian man alive! Love the way he and Ken (Vamprose) combine Rock and Vampirism into one! Just plain hot SH*T!!!
However, this is one 'sissified' vampire that gave the vampire kingdom a bad name-
Enough talking about the past. Lets talk about now! What's my current obession? Well, it's this-
Yup, people. It's Adam Lambert and his band ^V^
Actually, I'm more obsessed with this pretty boy- Tommy Joe Ratliff ~sweet~
psk..don't you think he kinda look like Nobu from Nana?!
And it's a definate thumbs up for the 'queer' relationship Adam and Tommy share
~awww~ Aren't they sweet?
Recollecting the memories, my first ever obsession should be this movie-
Yea, Titanic :) Never got the chance to watch it in the cinemas though ~sigh~, but there is a huge collection of merchandises stashed in the deepest corner of my cupboard. From stationary to the OST, you just name it! Even got my hands on some really cool Titanic poscards ^^ Imagine I was only at Primary 5 that time!!!
Then, Soo Yin came into my life and I got my very first taste of Japanese manga and animations :) I definately have to pay tribute to this particular manga-
Thanks to Slam Dunk I came to love basketball. But thanks to basketball, I sprained my left ankle and was told that I can never play the game again :(
When I was in Form 4, that was the age of RPG game!!! Was left to stare in awe when this particular game came to shore-
It was because of this game I persuaded my mum to buy me my first desktop :D breath-taking graphics, superb gaming experience, the trigger to the full usage of my creative right brain^^ Today, I'm still an avid fan of FF franchise.
Another good friend came by- Wendy. Don;t get me wrong! I'm not obsessed with Wendy, just obsessed with our friendship *wink* Wendy=The Sims- the most mind-blowing and creativity-straining game ever created and introduced into MY universe^^
I can spend 25 hours playing The Sims if ever God created 25 hours a day! I swear I will never get tired of this bloody game ^^ Now, that's what i call OBSESSION!
During my uni years, no guys saw me as a girl when I told them I watch this-
Skipped meals to buy the original DVDs! Induced insomnia on myself after watching too much of the anime :P Guessed it's from the radioactivity from my lappie...
Persuaded so many people to 'worship' this anime :P Am I guilty? I guess not, 'cause sharing is loving (according to my student^^) hehe...
Somehow in the mist of chasing after this never-ending anime got me bored, DAMN bored. So guys, no more Bleach for me...
Bleach was not the anime that stole tears. This did!
Obsessed with the surreal way Ai Yazawa narrate the story. Loved the sound track too! If ever I find myself a rockstar lover, it would have been someone like Ren Honjo. Sweet, sexy, yummy all in one package ^U^ PLUS, he plays both the electirc guitar and bass too ^^ dream lover :P
The obsessions of later chapters of my recent life (hehehe...) was all about Rock & Roll and Vampirism!
Larc~en~ciel @ Laraku- the best combination of both elements above^^ Hyde-san had me drooling all over him even though he is almost 40! Hottest Asian man alive! Love the way he and Ken (Vamprose) combine Rock and Vampirism into one! Just plain hot SH*T!!!
However, this is one 'sissified' vampire that gave the vampire kingdom a bad name-
Enough talking about the past. Lets talk about now! What's my current obession? Well, it's this-
Yup, people. It's Adam Lambert and his band ^V^
Actually, I'm more obsessed with this pretty boy- Tommy Joe Ratliff ~sweet~
psk..don't you think he kinda look like Nobu from Nana?!
And it's a definate thumbs up for the 'queer' relationship Adam and Tommy share
~awww~ Aren't they sweet?
If Only Fairytales Come True
If the evening star's power is so true, I would be gazing upon the galaxy now...
I shall entwine my fingers with a sure pressure and wish...
Wish upon the brightest evening star like princesses in Disney fairytales do...
Wish for this one thing that stirs the deepest desires from the depths of my heart...
The agonizing thirst and unendurable hunger for it grows stronger and more intense each day...
My dream~~~
SAMSUNG GALAXY 5 (now you know why I'm gazing the galaxy, huh? \^V^/)
I shall entwine my fingers with a sure pressure and wish...
Wish upon the brightest evening star like princesses in Disney fairytales do...
Wish for this one thing that stirs the deepest desires from the depths of my heart...
The agonizing thirst and unendurable hunger for it grows stronger and more intense each day...
My dream~~~
SAMSUNG GALAXY 5 (now you know why I'm gazing the galaxy, huh? \^V^/)
Thursday, November 4, 2010
I'm Sorry. Blame Me & I Promise Not To Fight Back
God, please help me. I’ve made a grave mistake yet again. And I’m really afraid now. God, you know how I feel and you know how guilty I am. Like what mum said, I am carrying tales about the happenings in my office. God, I need you! Lord I pray to you Lord. Please help me to rectify this mistake. Father in heaven, I know I am weak and I make stupid mistakes that will only bring damage to myself at the end of the day. Lord, I am trembling with fear now. Please help me Lord. I cry out to you Jesus please save me! Lord, please don’t abandon me Lord. I really need your mercy and grace now. I ‘m sorry for spilling out the remarks my head of department made about Su-Ynn. Lord, I know I have sinned against you for telling lies. Lord, please forgive me. Even if mum does not accept my apologies, I really need you Lord Jesus to forgive me. Lord, help me to repent. I’ve sinned. A lot of times in these few months and I drew myself apart from you Lord. Please forgive me Lord. Help me this time. I am deeply sorry for the damage that I have inflicted upon Su-Ynn and my head of department. I have caused them to hate each other and I know Lord, you will punish me someday in my afterlife for this sin that I have committed. Lord, I ask of your forgiveness. And Father, please help Su-Ynn too. With your grace and salvation Lord, help her to forgive my head of department and Lord, please ease her anger. I know I will be accused as the culprit for their already messed up relationship as colleagues, Lord please melt away the anger and hatred that was there before and after my tale-telling. Lord, please forgive me and please help me to overcome this issue. I believe in you Lord Jesus, upon your mighty power and I want to have faith in you again Lord. I want to trust you again! I want to be close to you again Lord, so that you will keep me away from sin and guide me walk on the right path you have already prepared for me. Lord, I did not mean to disrupt the harmony in my work place. But I know, like what mum will say in the next minute, the stupid remarks I’ve made during the so-called ‘heroic attempt’ will land me in trouble. Lord, see, mum has already start pointing out to me all the wrong things that I have done just now. Lord, I do not, and will not argue or feel angry towards her reaction. Because I know I am in the wrong at the very first place. Jesus, please help me control my big mouth. Please shut it off if you think it’s the better way to solve future matters that might arise from this weakness of mine. Lord, I will willingly go through all the tests you’ve paved for me. Lord, please help me to control my anger. NOW! Because I am on the verge of exploding or say something stupid again that will hurt mum for her endless nagging. Lord, please help me! I really need you now Lord. Please help me. Yes, whatever I did was bad, real bad and I can’t feel anything but ashamed, no, angry with myself now. Please Lord, help me….I know I have sinned against you. Please Lord, help me to control my anger. Please please please! Lord, I am wrong. I know. Please help me! Lord, I really have no idea what lies ahead tomorrow. But I want to believe that Lord Jesus, you will be with me come what may. Lord, I trust in you Lord. I want to repent and Lord, please give me another chance to do so Jesus. If matters get worse in the following days of my working life in that institution, Lord, please be with and help me brace myself with your strength and wisdom for whatever storm that stirs the peace in my office. Lord Jesus, I know I have sinned. Please forgive me and help me to make myself a better person, not for me, not for mum, not for anyone else, only for you Lord. Father, I pray to you and I know you listen to prayers, and you answer them. I trust you because you have chosen me to be part of your salvation from the very beginning. And Lord I humble myself and pray to you Lord for forgiveness and also guidance in my life. For every step I take, every word I say, every single way I behave, Lord, guide me first. Holy Spirit, I invite you to speak to me again just like how you used to speak so intimately to me before I sinned again. Father, you know all my problems even before I uttered a single word. Almighty God, I have faith in you, believe in you and trust in you to deliver me from this mess that I have caused. Lord I pray with all my heart and soul and in Jesus most powerful name. Amen!
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Friday, September 24, 2010
Walaueh~ Splash Blood!
Starting from August, every 26th day of the month is my day to splash blood.
Wah...like Lady Gaga in VMA :O
Yea, something like that. The only difference is my purse is doing the blood-splashing instead of my physical being.
'Cause 26th is pay-cheque day ^^
Got my first ever product from The Body Shop- Tea Tree Skin Clearing Lotion which cost a whooping RM39 for a mere 50ml. Hope it works wonders like what the sales person claimed.
Took a virgin step into The Face Shop and indulged myself with a makeup base and also foundation. Both products blew a f*cking hole in my purse! (Still can hear the blood dripping sound from it~)
Surprisingly, lunch was kinda modest. Just mere seafood porridge. Price? No more than RM10. However, who am I to complain when I had a blast in Sushi King yesterday? Heehee...
Shopping certainly is the best exercise for ladies and also our purses *wink*
Do I look forward to the next 26th?
DEFINITELY YES!!!
Wah...like Lady Gaga in VMA :O
Yea, something like that. The only difference is my purse is doing the blood-splashing instead of my physical being.
'Cause 26th is pay-cheque day ^^
Got my first ever product from The Body Shop- Tea Tree Skin Clearing Lotion which cost a whooping RM39 for a mere 50ml. Hope it works wonders like what the sales person claimed.
Took a virgin step into The Face Shop and indulged myself with a makeup base and also foundation. Both products blew a f*cking hole in my purse! (Still can hear the blood dripping sound from it~)
Surprisingly, lunch was kinda modest. Just mere seafood porridge. Price? No more than RM10. However, who am I to complain when I had a blast in Sushi King yesterday? Heehee...
Shopping certainly is the best exercise for ladies and also our purses *wink*
Do I look forward to the next 26th?
DEFINITELY YES!!!
Thursday, September 23, 2010
7 Places I Wish to Visit before I Die
1. Japan- That's my 'birthplace'. Need to trace back the reason why people don me as a Japanese wherever I visit. Oh, and who can resist the temptations of on-sens and shopping at Harajuku? *wink* Romancing under the full-bloomed cherry-blossom trees would be nice :)
2. Pulau Redang/Perhentian- Wanna go to these beautiful islands before the coral reef are being wiped out from the surface of the Earth. Beautiful sandy beaches, crystal clear sea, a few cute guys or two...walah~ paradise!
3. Scotland- I heard rumors that they still have vampires over there! Hihi~ Wanna grab myself on a delicious one!!! XP
4. Rome- Must visit the Coliseum. Wished we still have hunky gladiators to 'wash eyes'~ XD
5. Africa- It's simply a fascination from young. To be able to witness the wildbeasts roaming free in the vast savanna is probably one of the best gift from God to Earth. Oh, not forgetting- peanut soup ^^
6. France- Fine wine, oudoor cafes minus geese-poop looking escargots heehee
7. Venice- The City of Romance. Who doesn't wanna be there to fall in love?
2. Pulau Redang/Perhentian- Wanna go to these beautiful islands before the coral reef are being wiped out from the surface of the Earth. Beautiful sandy beaches, crystal clear sea, a few cute guys or two...walah~ paradise!
3. Scotland- I heard rumors that they still have vampires over there! Hihi~ Wanna grab myself on a delicious one!!! XP
4. Rome- Must visit the Coliseum. Wished we still have hunky gladiators to 'wash eyes'~ XD
5. Africa- It's simply a fascination from young. To be able to witness the wildbeasts roaming free in the vast savanna is probably one of the best gift from God to Earth. Oh, not forgetting- peanut soup ^^
6. France- Fine wine, oudoor cafes minus geese-poop looking escargots heehee
7. Venice- The City of Romance. Who doesn't wanna be there to fall in love?
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
He's Leaving on a Jet Plane
Had lunch with him today. Or rather I should say I treated him lunch; for the first and the last time...and I don't know if there's ever gonna be another chance to do so in the future.
I know how pathetic it sounds.
I know how pathetic I sound.
He's not the most gorgeous guy to ever walk the earth, but it was he who captured my young heart long before I realize that I was falling into the spell call love...
The pass few months must have put him through quite a lot of challenges for when I set my eyes on him again today, my heart was thumping in the same tempo like the first time it beat for this one man alone years ago...
It's not like have feelings for him again...but something just kept pulling at my heart in this torturous manner that I cannot bear...perhaps it's the fact that I won't be seeing him again in a long long time...
Didn't have much conversation with him just now. Was it the fact that I long to savor the sweetness in his voice; the way he talks and how he was able to ridiculously make me laugh with his witty jokes...
I wonder will he remember me just like how I will cherish him in my memories?
The fact that he was my first crush will never change,
and with that...
I wish him best of luck throughout his life voyage...
I know how pathetic it sounds.
I know how pathetic I sound.
He's not the most gorgeous guy to ever walk the earth, but it was he who captured my young heart long before I realize that I was falling into the spell call love...
The pass few months must have put him through quite a lot of challenges for when I set my eyes on him again today, my heart was thumping in the same tempo like the first time it beat for this one man alone years ago...
It's not like have feelings for him again...but something just kept pulling at my heart in this torturous manner that I cannot bear...perhaps it's the fact that I won't be seeing him again in a long long time...
Didn't have much conversation with him just now. Was it the fact that I long to savor the sweetness in his voice; the way he talks and how he was able to ridiculously make me laugh with his witty jokes...
I wonder will he remember me just like how I will cherish him in my memories?
The fact that he was my first crush will never change,
and with that...
I wish him best of luck throughout his life voyage...
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
The First Meeting in Ages; The Last Farewell for a Lifetime
This week will be a rather surprising week for me; or so, the Sunday horoscope column predicted. Someone whom I haven't met in ages will reappear and reveal shocking news!
I'm not a 'surprise' person, you see.
My friends address Geminis like me as out-going, psychopathic dual-personality creatures. I may be fun to be with, loves cracking kinky jokes, enjoys inflicting pain on people for my own craving satisfaction (i.e. picking grey hairs at one time for my mum MUAHAHAHA ~evil laugh~). And the fact that I am of dual-personality, one must be praying hard that I'm wearing my 'happy' personality if ever they wanna give me a surprise.
Because I suffer from a faint-heart...
And gawd~ so the constellations were true...
He texted me, out of the blue, on Sunday night. He spoke of his return to his hometown and the new job that awaits him there. He sounded happy.
Part of me was happy for him. He was a family man after all. Not that he was already married; it's just that he was very much attached to his mum.
Yet…
A bigger part of me felt lost. He was going to go… and I never had the chance to apologize for the pain that I’ve inflicted on the both of us…
I’m going to meet him tomorrow. The first in years, but definitely the last for the rest of our lives. It’s going to be a sad parting, I believe…
Perhaps this is a better way to stop myself from further blaming myself for the love I could never embrace…
I'm not a 'surprise' person, you see.
My friends address Geminis like me as out-going, psychopathic dual-personality creatures. I may be fun to be with, loves cracking kinky jokes, enjoys inflicting pain on people for my own craving satisfaction (i.e. picking grey hairs at one time for my mum MUAHAHAHA ~evil laugh~). And the fact that I am of dual-personality, one must be praying hard that I'm wearing my 'happy' personality if ever they wanna give me a surprise.
Because I suffer from a faint-heart...
And gawd~ so the constellations were true...
He texted me, out of the blue, on Sunday night. He spoke of his return to his hometown and the new job that awaits him there. He sounded happy.
Part of me was happy for him. He was a family man after all. Not that he was already married; it's just that he was very much attached to his mum.
Yet…
A bigger part of me felt lost. He was going to go… and I never had the chance to apologize for the pain that I’ve inflicted on the both of us…
I’m going to meet him tomorrow. The first in years, but definitely the last for the rest of our lives. It’s going to be a sad parting, I believe…
Perhaps this is a better way to stop myself from further blaming myself for the love I could never embrace…
Monday, September 20, 2010
Mourning Mondays~
I hate Mondays.
Serious, I swear to God I never had so much hatred towards Monday before this! Monday blues never, I mean NEVER occured to me until now...
Monday,
A perfect day to turn my lovely voice into disaster!!!
How so? I have to talk right in front of say erm 100 'berng'-looking kiddos for 8 hours. Imagine that! It's even worst than scream your pleasure during sex!
Lecturing drains energy! And gawd~ I'm even thinking of making this as my lifetime career OMG!!!
Hmmm...perhaps husky voice turns men on more, I guess *wink*
Serious, I swear to God I never had so much hatred towards Monday before this! Monday blues never, I mean NEVER occured to me until now...
Monday,
A perfect day to turn my lovely voice into disaster!!!
How so? I have to talk right in front of say erm 100 'berng'-looking kiddos for 8 hours. Imagine that! It's even worst than scream your pleasure during sex!
Lecturing drains energy! And gawd~ I'm even thinking of making this as my lifetime career OMG!!!
Hmmm...perhaps husky voice turns men on more, I guess *wink*
Friday, September 17, 2010
~~~~~@ Raunchy Conversation @~~~~~
Last night; like my usual Thursday nights, I was seen hanging out with my girl friends at Old Town Malim. Everything was fine. Except that one of my girls brought a friend.
No. No. Don't get me wrong. I'm totally fine with adding new friends into my network. This new girl is nice, I mean she's a really decent girl. So decent that I felt like a pervert seen sitting on the same table as her. Hmph~
How perverted? You asked. Well, you see we were doing our usual girl-talk then it's extremely common for us to line our conversation with 'naughty' language. I guess my choice of words shocked the soul out of this girl's life, so much so she called for her dad for a lift and dash out of the cafe like the Celcom broadband rocket!!!
Erm......wow~~~
Didn't know I have such effect on humans...
I'm terribly sorry for offending her but I'm not going to apologize for being who I am. I mean it's a norm among me and my gang to speak like that. We all know that the content of our conversation are only restricted solely for entertainment purposes, casual talk. And it was by no means that I want to hurt her feelings... Not in aeons!
Guess I can only mingle among people of my kind...The naughty naughty ones^^
Then again, this is how I behave. I'm a good girl gone bad~ and I don't give a sh*t to what others has to say about me.
No. No. Don't get me wrong. I'm totally fine with adding new friends into my network. This new girl is nice, I mean she's a really decent girl. So decent that I felt like a pervert seen sitting on the same table as her. Hmph~
How perverted? You asked. Well, you see we were doing our usual girl-talk then it's extremely common for us to line our conversation with 'naughty' language. I guess my choice of words shocked the soul out of this girl's life, so much so she called for her dad for a lift and dash out of the cafe like the Celcom broadband rocket!!!
Erm......wow~~~
Didn't know I have such effect on humans...
I'm terribly sorry for offending her but I'm not going to apologize for being who I am. I mean it's a norm among me and my gang to speak like that. We all know that the content of our conversation are only restricted solely for entertainment purposes, casual talk. And it was by no means that I want to hurt her feelings... Not in aeons!
Guess I can only mingle among people of my kind...The naughty naughty ones^^
Then again, this is how I behave. I'm a good girl gone bad~ and I don't give a sh*t to what others has to say about me.
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Aiyo~ Convo...
Been rather disturbed with a load of thoughts in mind, lately...
Money. Convocation. Money and money ~sigh~
Which F*cker started with the idea of paying fees for convocation?
It seems like we are paying money to "BUY" ourselves that flimsy sheet of high quality paper with nicely printed words and the signature of a VERY VERY important person to officially declare that we have legally graduate from whichever educational institution...(fuh~ can someone pass me a glass of water? Hee...)
Guess it's worth the RM100 paid to be called a degree graduate?!!
And how come a simple (though crucial) ceremony of a convocation has been so damn commercialized that even a tiny bouquet of flowers plus a teddy bear or two cost a damn hole in our pockets? Everyone seem to find every sneaky way to grab hold of some ca$h :S
There and then my mum's been worrying about my attire for D-day. Kebaya with agonizing and hard-to-walk batik skirt or formal shirt with slacks? Someone choose for me can ah? I'm starting to develop migraines like psy-duck in Pokemon... psyyaiyai~~~
Anyhow, I do look forward to 13th October 2010. The day I can lift my head up high for a very solid reason without being sneered as 'hidung tinggi' and throw my mortar board into the skies with pride for this day will be the best day of my life :)
Money. Convocation. Money and money ~sigh~
Which F*cker started with the idea of paying fees for convocation?
It seems like we are paying money to "BUY" ourselves that flimsy sheet of high quality paper with nicely printed words and the signature of a VERY VERY important person to officially declare that we have legally graduate from whichever educational institution...(fuh~ can someone pass me a glass of water? Hee...)
Guess it's worth the RM100 paid to be called a degree graduate?!!
And how come a simple (though crucial) ceremony of a convocation has been so damn commercialized that even a tiny bouquet of flowers plus a teddy bear or two cost a damn hole in our pockets? Everyone seem to find every sneaky way to grab hold of some ca$h :S
There and then my mum's been worrying about my attire for D-day. Kebaya with agonizing and hard-to-walk batik skirt or formal shirt with slacks? Someone choose for me can ah? I'm starting to develop migraines like psy-duck in Pokemon... psyyaiyai~~~
Anyhow, I do look forward to 13th October 2010. The day I can lift my head up high for a very solid reason without being sneered as 'hidung tinggi' and throw my mortar board into the skies with pride for this day will be the best day of my life :)
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Speechless
1 teaspoon of disappointment
2 tablespoons of regret
10 ounces of angst
Cups of arguments
Jugs of tears (depends on your liking)
A pinch of hope...
That's my special brew for a perfect broken heart that left me speechless...
"I can’t believe how you looked at me
With your Johnnie Walker eyes
He’s gonna get you and after he’s through
There’s gonna be no love left to rye
And I know that it’s complicated
But I’m a loser in love
So baby raise a glass to mend
All the broken hearts
Of all my wrecked up friends
I’ll never talk again
Oh boy you’ve left me speechless
You’ve left me speechless so speechless"
2 tablespoons of regret
10 ounces of angst
Cups of arguments
Jugs of tears (depends on your liking)
A pinch of hope...
That's my special brew for a perfect broken heart that left me speechless...
"I can’t believe how you looked at me
With your Johnnie Walker eyes
He’s gonna get you and after he’s through
There’s gonna be no love left to rye
And I know that it’s complicated
But I’m a loser in love
So baby raise a glass to mend
All the broken hearts
Of all my wrecked up friends
I’ll never talk again
Oh boy you’ve left me speechless
You’ve left me speechless so speechless"
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
What am I doing here?
Woke up at 6:30am (as usual...VERY reluctant, sigh...)then head for work.
The roads were exceptionally quiet and empty, thanks to the school holidays and Raya. Excellent condition to show off my fast-n-furiously dangerous driving skills (*wink) but kept me wondering why I was not snuggling in bed like what my other colleagues are doing right now. ~DEEP sigh~
It didn't help at all when I was the first to arrive at my office. Dang! No keys. The chilling breeze of the early mornings left me shuttering-cold by the time my colleagues found me. I pinched my nose. Lucky it didn't came off. No frostbite! Hehe..
The office was quiet, except for a faint and rather eerie wave of Raya oldies from the ancient radio across the room.(Though it melodramatic tunes were devastatingly tarnished by my male colleagues singing UGHH~) Here I am, FB-ing and checking out wacky parody videos posted by "The Wang and Only"^^ I even have time to revisit my old FB games which I have long abandoned since the beginning of year 2010. (You can guess how much free time I have XP)
One by one, my colleagues sneak away from the office (I doubt they will return until 4:30pm). Guess I am stuck in this office for the rest of my beautiful Wednesday...
tik tok tik tok...
Can't wait for 4:30pm
Can I steal bone (curi tulang) too?
The roads were exceptionally quiet and empty, thanks to the school holidays and Raya. Excellent condition to show off my fast-n-furiously dangerous driving skills (*wink) but kept me wondering why I was not snuggling in bed like what my other colleagues are doing right now. ~DEEP sigh~
It didn't help at all when I was the first to arrive at my office. Dang! No keys. The chilling breeze of the early mornings left me shuttering-cold by the time my colleagues found me. I pinched my nose. Lucky it didn't came off. No frostbite! Hehe..
The office was quiet, except for a faint and rather eerie wave of Raya oldies from the ancient radio across the room.(Though it melodramatic tunes were devastatingly tarnished by my male colleagues singing UGHH~) Here I am, FB-ing and checking out wacky parody videos posted by "The Wang and Only"^^ I even have time to revisit my old FB games which I have long abandoned since the beginning of year 2010. (You can guess how much free time I have XP)
One by one, my colleagues sneak away from the office (I doubt they will return until 4:30pm). Guess I am stuck in this office for the rest of my beautiful Wednesday...
tik tok tik tok...
Can't wait for 4:30pm
Can I steal bone (curi tulang) too?
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
wasted time???
it's been awhile...hmm...maybe not 'a while' i guess...
rainy days like this remind me of you...(i swear this is an involuntary reaction)
your voice, your laughter and your ever so assuring embrace...
seems like it was just yesterday that we come to know each other...
ironically...
it's been 9-fucking months since i walked away...
away from you...
away from your life...
away from everything.
no it's never easy to deal with the pain
neither is it difficult to keep myself from remembering you...
memories played in my mind each day like a movie that has no end...
haunting...
intimidating...
suffocating...
yet, why do i sit here reminiscing times that was lost
and can never be revisit?
i miss you (i guess?)
rainy days like this remind me of you...(i swear this is an involuntary reaction)
your voice, your laughter and your ever so assuring embrace...
seems like it was just yesterday that we come to know each other...
ironically...
it's been 9-fucking months since i walked away...
away from you...
away from your life...
away from everything.
no it's never easy to deal with the pain
neither is it difficult to keep myself from remembering you...
memories played in my mind each day like a movie that has no end...
haunting...
intimidating...
suffocating...
yet, why do i sit here reminiscing times that was lost
and can never be revisit?
i miss you (i guess?)
Thursday, February 11, 2010
the last farewell...(casssiopeia, 7 wonders, ah jie, Ms Dzeelfa and my darling roomate)
could words describe
the feelings inside
the wanting to cry
and say no to 'goodbye'
oh, time really fiies
i did not realize
with tear-cloudied eyes
wished reality was a lie
here the truth lies
right now at this time
i have to kiss you goodbye
but…
may friendship never dies
the feelings inside
the wanting to cry
and say no to 'goodbye'
oh, time really fiies
i did not realize
with tear-cloudied eyes
wished reality was a lie
here the truth lies
right now at this time
i have to kiss you goodbye
but…
may friendship never dies
Monday, February 8, 2010
Fast Forward and Rewind
Tik tok tik tok…
The sound of the clock
reminds me of something that-
I’ve almost forgot.
In one week’s time,
we’ll all divide
and go separate ways of our lives…
Oh, how time flies!
To my friends, comrades and couple of enemies or two,
Let me speak a word of truth:
Believe it or not-
It’s time to untie the knot.
It’s painful, it hurts
The aftermath- worse!
But let’s not forget
All the wonderful things we’ve shared!
Flashback to our very first year.
Trying hard to focus ‘cause the picture’s so blur…
There, I see many innocent faces
looking forward to four years of challenges!
Assignments tumble like avalanche slides-
yet shopping and having fun was never out of our minds!
Second and third year was quite solemn to me,
We’ve lost Keera and Hsiang Ping, you see.
Up in the heavens where they rest in peace,
They are the friends that we’ll truly miss!
Conflicts and anger almost made us shatter
But thanks to theatre-
that brought us closer again together!
Tik tok tik tok…
The clock reminds me of something that-
Oh God, I wish I could stop!
Let time freezes this moment
and make it permanent,
for I can never bear the pain of this separation!
Some will be able to meet again,
But to many,
12th Feb will be the end.
Hugs and kisses, do whatever you can
Make your friends know-
Friendship has no end!
As I walk into the new chapters of my life
These memories are the batteries that keep me alive
For nothing will be the reason I forget
The laughter, the joy and the tears we’ve shed
Tik tok tik tok…
Til we meet again…
The sound of the clock
reminds me of something that-
I’ve almost forgot.
In one week’s time,
we’ll all divide
and go separate ways of our lives…
Oh, how time flies!
To my friends, comrades and couple of enemies or two,
Let me speak a word of truth:
Believe it or not-
It’s time to untie the knot.
It’s painful, it hurts
The aftermath- worse!
But let’s not forget
All the wonderful things we’ve shared!
Flashback to our very first year.
Trying hard to focus ‘cause the picture’s so blur…
There, I see many innocent faces
looking forward to four years of challenges!
Assignments tumble like avalanche slides-
yet shopping and having fun was never out of our minds!
Second and third year was quite solemn to me,
We’ve lost Keera and Hsiang Ping, you see.
Up in the heavens where they rest in peace,
They are the friends that we’ll truly miss!
Conflicts and anger almost made us shatter
But thanks to theatre-
that brought us closer again together!
Tik tok tik tok…
The clock reminds me of something that-
Oh God, I wish I could stop!
Let time freezes this moment
and make it permanent,
for I can never bear the pain of this separation!
Some will be able to meet again,
But to many,
12th Feb will be the end.
Hugs and kisses, do whatever you can
Make your friends know-
Friendship has no end!
As I walk into the new chapters of my life
These memories are the batteries that keep me alive
For nothing will be the reason I forget
The laughter, the joy and the tears we’ve shed
Tik tok tik tok…
Til we meet again…
I’m Waiting…
I’m looking forward to tonight’s dinner,
only ourselves minus silly juniors.
Enjoying the food, music and laughter…
Where assignments and exams don’t seem to matter.
To friends who are busy preparing the dishes,
I send my regards and also wishes-
Thank you for going through all these trouble!
Don’t worry, ‘cause tonight I’ll eat double!!!
A big applause to those who chooses songs,
I hope tonight we can dance all night long.
Although BSB is nothing like a chilling cool club,
at least it serves well as a gathering hub.
Let’s pray for a good weather tonight,
so that the BBQ fire will light.
And may the fellowship go well and alright,
May we have an unforgettable event this night!
only ourselves minus silly juniors.
Enjoying the food, music and laughter…
Where assignments and exams don’t seem to matter.
To friends who are busy preparing the dishes,
I send my regards and also wishes-
Thank you for going through all these trouble!
Don’t worry, ‘cause tonight I’ll eat double!!!
A big applause to those who chooses songs,
I hope tonight we can dance all night long.
Although BSB is nothing like a chilling cool club,
at least it serves well as a gathering hub.
Let’s pray for a good weather tonight,
so that the BBQ fire will light.
And may the fellowship go well and alright,
May we have an unforgettable event this night!
Saturday, February 6, 2010
The REAL REAL Bad Romance
I was just a silly girl
Wandering in this brand new world
Trying to figure out
What was life all about
Then you came by my way
Shone my life like sunshine ray
Watching stars from the top of your roof
Time stopped as if Earth didn’t move
Life was a sweet treat everyday
We kissed from morning ‘til the day turns grey
Then one fine day to my dismay
Her phone call took my love away
Chorus:
Thank you for all the pain
Thank you for the blame and shame
You put under my name
I was just plain Jane
Nothing but a character in your game
It irks to see you standing there smiling in vain
You had all the fame
Now I know why they say you’re lame
But nothing ain’t gonna be the same
When I say: ‘Bring the rain!’
Wandering in this brand new world
Trying to figure out
What was life all about
Then you came by my way
Shone my life like sunshine ray
Watching stars from the top of your roof
Time stopped as if Earth didn’t move
Life was a sweet treat everyday
We kissed from morning ‘til the day turns grey
Then one fine day to my dismay
Her phone call took my love away
Chorus:
Thank you for all the pain
Thank you for the blame and shame
You put under my name
I was just plain Jane
Nothing but a character in your game
It irks to see you standing there smiling in vain
You had all the fame
Now I know why they say you’re lame
But nothing ain’t gonna be the same
When I say: ‘Bring the rain!’
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Then again, it’s just a stupid dinner... (PURELY FICTION)
it started with a silly idea,
to give ourselves a stupid dinner.
'oiii, quick pay up the money!', was the reminder,
obedient beings we were,
so we surrender...
we expect the dinner to be simple and nice,
just some vege, meat, sirap and rice.
and then they came up with this 'SPLENDID' idea,
to make the dinner in Port Klang, oh dear!
they thought we were stupid silly old swines,
for not knowing what's cocktail dresses and neckties!
calling us cheapskate for the 10 ringgit paid,
oiii, bengong! u think we so rich u think we got maid?
today, they marched in like a troop of armies,
hey, u think we're scare? we've oso got Ami!
bit by bit they tried to explain,
we understand, though...
but that B*TCH made our ass pain!
she came up confidently to the podium
actually, B*TCH! u smell like ammonium!!!
with that W-H-A-T-E-V-E-R face, she 'TRIED' to apologize
but hey B*TCH, take this! IT'S TOO LATE TO APOLOGIZE!!!
FREEDOM OF SPEECH was what she practiced,
i heard my friend (Is) shouted 'B*TCH, u sucked at it!!!'
shouting, screaming, swearing...and there goes the fight...
tears were shed, but luckily no one died!
it's great that now everything's has subside,
i hope those who’ve shed tears have now dried their eyes.
if there's a dinner, thank God!
if there's not, let it be...
the last thing we want is to hear them say we are MEAN~
to juniors who felt that it's ok to treat us this way,
MARK MY WORDS,
you'll will get this SH*T back someday!
(tiada kaitan dengan yang hidup dan yang mati...)
to give ourselves a stupid dinner.
'oiii, quick pay up the money!', was the reminder,
obedient beings we were,
so we surrender...
we expect the dinner to be simple and nice,
just some vege, meat, sirap and rice.
and then they came up with this 'SPLENDID' idea,
to make the dinner in Port Klang, oh dear!
they thought we were stupid silly old swines,
for not knowing what's cocktail dresses and neckties!
calling us cheapskate for the 10 ringgit paid,
oiii, bengong! u think we so rich u think we got maid?
today, they marched in like a troop of armies,
hey, u think we're scare? we've oso got Ami!
bit by bit they tried to explain,
we understand, though...
but that B*TCH made our ass pain!
she came up confidently to the podium
actually, B*TCH! u smell like ammonium!!!
with that W-H-A-T-E-V-E-R face, she 'TRIED' to apologize
but hey B*TCH, take this! IT'S TOO LATE TO APOLOGIZE!!!
FREEDOM OF SPEECH was what she practiced,
i heard my friend (Is) shouted 'B*TCH, u sucked at it!!!'
shouting, screaming, swearing...and there goes the fight...
tears were shed, but luckily no one died!
it's great that now everything's has subside,
i hope those who’ve shed tears have now dried their eyes.
if there's a dinner, thank God!
if there's not, let it be...
the last thing we want is to hear them say we are MEAN~
to juniors who felt that it's ok to treat us this way,
MARK MY WORDS,
you'll will get this SH*T back someday!
(tiada kaitan dengan yang hidup dan yang mati...)
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