ENOUGH!

"Don't worry. You will never witness this again once I head back to the university."

I wanted so badly, to throw these words straight to your face!

But I didn't...

What went wrong? I'm already in tears just trying so fucking hard to figure out the core of your irritation.

Who are you to control my life? Yes, you are my mum but I'm already 24 years old, for your information!

Can't I live up to the way I prefer to? Anyway, what's so wrong about my current lifestyle?

Do I do drugs?

Do you see me puffing cigarettes like no other people's business?

Am I shaking my head off with blasting music in pubs or clubs?

I don't even touch a single drop of liquor, don't I?

Have you witness me fucking with random guys? Married or otherwise?

Was I ever stupid enough to make myself pregnant and opt for abortion to uphold the family's dignity?

FUCK! I've never even held hands with ANY XY chromosomes!

So now YOU tell me how is it that my lifestyle irks you so much?

Just because I hang out with my GIRL friends in cafes like OLD TOWN twice a week without fail pisses you off I suppose?

WHAT THE FUCK?!!!

And what the hell you mean by I'm indecent when I visit the karaoke once a month?

For your information, singing karaoke in places like Dream Box is absolutely CLEAN physically, mentally and emotionally. It's nothing like those whore house karaoke clubs you see on Hong Kong dramas!

Perhaps it's high time to change that 'conservative' perspective of yours! Though I doubt you'll ever do so!

I'm earning my own cash LEGALLY and I'm not using a single cent of yours when I hang out with my friends.

So,

WHY DO I HAVE TO COMPLY WITH ALL THE RULES YOU SET?!!!

Do you think I not know my boundaries? Have I ever fallen into the trap of those crap activities that I personally felt disgusted by them?

I seriously think that you don't know me anymore! Like how I can't figure you out lately...

Feels like I'm trapped in those four walls with a sadistic stranger who never ceased to insult and pick fights with me.

Is it so hard for you to just say these three words- "I need you?"

Do you know I've been thinking about leaving home for good? 'Cause all the fights, crude remarks and angry faces we put on each day is stealing away the air I need to breathe.

It's suffocates to live in the same house with you.

Every morning I look forward to lock the gates behind me and stay away from anything that reminds me of you.

And when evening comes, I wish the pendulum can freezes time. I don't want to go back to hell just to see your fucked up face and listen to your endless nagging.

Do you realize I no longer share my daily working experience with you over dinner?

Because I know it's all bullshit to you.

You don't care if I'm mortally wounded by the ups and downs just as much as I don't want you to care!

There's no need, and certainly it's no necessity.

For you've stated clearly that your responsible as a mother is done and you no longer have the liability to take care of me.

You even want me to leave YOUR house!

Have you ever think about what if I REALLY leave? For good?

Will that make you a happier person? Will your life be more peaceful than that of now? You DO look forward to my leaving from your life, don't you?

If it's not, then how is it that you are able to utter such evil words that pierced the very core of my reason to existence?!

Perhaps everything would be in place if I was never born into this world, to you...

I know I have a fucked up attitude that pisses you off. But am I not allowed to feel pain and show my emotions on my face when you pour poison from your mouth on me? I'm not made from steel and stones you know?! Instead, flesh and blood! YOUR FLESH AND BLOOD! And you don't seem to possess any form of control over the scorching acidic words you sneered at me!

Don't try to shit me around saying that this is just part and parcel of life and I NEED all these bullshit to grow strong and be able to withstand challenges in life!

BLASPHEMY!

YOU- are the greatest challenge in my life and do you expect me to overcome you? A person who calls herself MY mother?

I'm being filial enough to stay by your side for so long. I don't runaway from home when you yell at me. I kept silent when you "discipline" me. I open my mouth to speak only when my limit is at the verge of bursting.

And you say I'm a bullshit.

Well, think again. You were the one who said that kids give parents a reason to live meaningfully regardless the mischief.

You think I want so badly to give you a reason to live?

Hah! I don't give a damn actually. In fact, I never wished for children at all!

You knew life WILL be difficult the moment you chose to keep me. Then why all the complains now?

Sometimes I just wish I could stir the angst in you enough to grab a knife and stab me in the chest.

That way, I can die in the hands of the person who brought me to life.

Not that I want you to live with the guilt and mourning.

It's just that I still can't find a better solution to this issue other than either of us leave. And if that day comes, I'll make sure it's me!

'Cause life is still meaningful to you and it is no longer at such to me.

At 24, I can't go out with my friends as I wish. I can't spend my hard-earned money on the things that I want. I can't get away from you. I haven't achieve anything BIG. I never knew what love is. I limit myself to only people that I like. I'm still not a perfect daughter to you etc etc etc...

Life deems no meaning to me, you see.

Really wanna put my life to an end if things do not progress the way YOU want. I'm tired of catching up with the pace you set to my life.

I CAN'T be the person you want me to be.

Sorry I turn out to be something so opposite to what you've expected of me.

Nothing can be done and if there's any, I will not compromise!

I'm old enough to be the person who I wanna be. And if you don't like it...I'm just dead speechless and will not say any shit.

You just have to accept who I am.

But don't you worry. This will not last long. I promise.

In one month's time, I'll be gone from your sight, not for good, yet. But will certainly give you space to be left alone in that house WITHOUT me. The way you preferred.

And I'll make sure I resist myself from casual visits during the weekends like how I used to. Even if I'm back, I would rather stay in a cheap motel or snuggle in the bed of an old girl friend than to return to the place you've chased me out from.