Dead End

too many times...

too many times have i come to the brink of writing inspiration for the heaps of assignments lying so painfully stark on my work table.

i know i have a deadline to catch.

but what if i cannot make it?

judging from the speed of my working style,

i doubt i can produce 'masterpieces' like how i used to...

i'm in paranoia-

these days i question myself a lot...

was it the right choice to be here, right now-

doing something i 'must' do instead of something i 'want' to do...

i know what i'm lack of-

it's passion!

there was a time when writing (any genre) came so natural for me.

but today's not the case anymore...

i struggle for hours in front of my faithful writing companion- my dear old laptop to even come up with an average sentence...

what has become of me?

where can i regain my passion though it's not something of my preference...

sometimes i wonder-

would life be sailing smooth if i chose to go for my desires,

to chase after my dreams that now seemed to require me to wait in hesitation for another year or two.

but it's already too late to make a u-turn.

not that i can't,

but if i do so, hearts will be broken...

and it is not my wish to witness such hurtful heartbreak.

guess i'm stuck with this shit for the next two years...

God please lend me Your wisdom.

'cause it'll be impossible to get things done if i don't learn to rely on You.

You know i'll never settle with an average job,

and yet now i'm having so much doubt in myself.

please restore my confidence-

i want nothing but the best and i know i have the BEST-est friend and it's You, God ^^

thank you for carrying me through the good times and the bad...

and i know this time will be the same too!

Papa~ 'bao bao' (mandarin: carry me~~~in a manja tone, of course ^^)