part of me dies when you chose to leave...
like a rose its petals wither counting down the days you walk away from my life...
the damage is beyond repair
this broken heart is shattered into a thousand pieces there's no way to put it back together again...
...and even if you could, the scars will continue to haunt me...
reminding me how foolish i have been to have fallen into you.
knowing you isn't a mistake at all...in fact it'll be the one sweet memory i'll lock safe in my heart when the day comes for me to leave this place...
but i call myself stupid for ever attempting to follow your footsteps...
to chase after your shadow...
to grasp a ghostly apparition that will yield nothing but grey ashes of those faded memories...
please...
please stop poisoning my mind...
the irreversible venom seeps into my veins...killing me with bittersweet, torturous agony...
here i taste the saltiness of these uncried tears...could you stop them from clouding my vision?
the pain keeps adding on and i suffer silently cause i have no one to turn to...
things get worse when i have to contain these feelings from the one who should...no...must know...
i don't know how long i can stand watching you move on without turning back for a glance...
i fear you'll erase me from your memories as time passes by.
you deserve better...but it's just so hard to let you go...
or perhaps you weren't meant to be mine?
there was never, is not and will never be US...
despite the agony, i still need to put up a poker face, decorate my face with a smile and say bubye to a good 'friend'- you.
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
It's Shattering Bit by Bit...
just because i'm tolerant in nature doesn't mean you can take advantage and act all bossy around me!
was it necessary to show that sour face of yours when i say i don't wanna bring the umbrella? If you're so concern of being drenched in the rain, well then use yours! and that eye-roll thingy you did when i say i don't own a small foldable umbrella...wtf?
and just because of some god-knows-what reasons you suddenly turned all moody and made the whole shopping trip such a frustratingly sulky experience. if something's bothering your mind why don't you just let it out of your chest rather than having me wondering what wrong i have done to make you brood like that!
and for fuck sake don't think that i didn't feel your anger when i went to the washroom on my own and didn't 'invite' you along! cmon! if you need to go then go lar! don't make faces and tell me "you know i wanted to go to the w.c. too?" hey, you could have come along you know? wtf!
no that i haven't known you well enough to tolerate those habits of yours but why does it have to be always you, you and YOU? i'm really tired of being the 'yes' man and trying to be nice just for the sake of friendship.
and the water sports thing...you really tested my patience. i'm a fool to be in such an excited mood to approach you first! did i ever complain when you say you would invite your school friends and cousins? did i say 'oh, i think i'll be lost in your group of friends just because they speak little English?' it's not like i'm not there with you, you know?! i'm so eager to do this with you and yet you just stood me off like that! weren't you the one who ask me to get more people to join? i wouldn't even thought of going to this shit if i knew from the start that you are so reluctant to go! i'm sorry but this time a word of apology simply isn't enough to remedy the lame excuse you gave.
i don't care if you're reading this but if whatever i wrote pisses you off just remember it wasn't easy for me to put up with your demanding ways at the first place! if you think this is vulgar then perhaps you should learn not pry into people's privacy to fulfill your insecurity.
was it necessary to show that sour face of yours when i say i don't wanna bring the umbrella? If you're so concern of being drenched in the rain, well then use yours! and that eye-roll thingy you did when i say i don't own a small foldable umbrella...wtf?
and just because of some god-knows-what reasons you suddenly turned all moody and made the whole shopping trip such a frustratingly sulky experience. if something's bothering your mind why don't you just let it out of your chest rather than having me wondering what wrong i have done to make you brood like that!
and for fuck sake don't think that i didn't feel your anger when i went to the washroom on my own and didn't 'invite' you along! cmon! if you need to go then go lar! don't make faces and tell me "you know i wanted to go to the w.c. too?" hey, you could have come along you know? wtf!
no that i haven't known you well enough to tolerate those habits of yours but why does it have to be always you, you and YOU? i'm really tired of being the 'yes' man and trying to be nice just for the sake of friendship.
and the water sports thing...you really tested my patience. i'm a fool to be in such an excited mood to approach you first! did i ever complain when you say you would invite your school friends and cousins? did i say 'oh, i think i'll be lost in your group of friends just because they speak little English?' it's not like i'm not there with you, you know?! i'm so eager to do this with you and yet you just stood me off like that! weren't you the one who ask me to get more people to join? i wouldn't even thought of going to this shit if i knew from the start that you are so reluctant to go! i'm sorry but this time a word of apology simply isn't enough to remedy the lame excuse you gave.
i don't care if you're reading this but if whatever i wrote pisses you off just remember it wasn't easy for me to put up with your demanding ways at the first place! if you think this is vulgar then perhaps you should learn not pry into people's privacy to fulfill your insecurity.
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
To that Selfish Son of a Female Canine
am i really thaaaat bad when it comes to saying 'no'?
do i sound like i'm joking when i told you that i cannot carry the burden you plan to weigh on my shoulders?
why is it that you can easily come to accept someone else's refusal but not mine?
i mean where the fuck you got the impression that i'll agree to whatever you say?
and fuck you for having the fucking nerves to make the decision without my consent!
it's pathetically ironic when you go through all the fucking formalities, put on that fucking mask of yours and act so faking-ly polite to others.
but when it comes to me all you've shown was sheer injustice!
c'mon! be a man and for fuck sake listen to my side of the story!
it's so easy for you to say the job is manageable! you;re leaving anyway, what accountabilities do you have?
but what about me?
you claimed that there will be others who can guide and help me along the way...
oh please!
like 'hellyea' those people will come to my aid when i scream for help.
more likely i'll end up doing other people's shit instead! like how it always turn out to be...
it's so sickening when you say i can QUIT when things get too overwhelming.
FUCK!
since you have so little faith in me from the beginning why not strip my from that fucking list of yours at the first place?
and fuck whatever confidence you have in me because i know i cannot do it!
i know my own limits and i have a fucking valid reason to reject the post.
but did you fucking care?
yup you do actually...only for yourself!
i know you've taught me many things for the past few months but that doesn't mean that i'm suitable for this task.
you've got the wrong girl pal!
the next time you fucking wanna decide on something, make sure you understand the problems others might face instead of leaving them drowning in tears for that selfish plot of yours. fuck off!
do i sound like i'm joking when i told you that i cannot carry the burden you plan to weigh on my shoulders?
why is it that you can easily come to accept someone else's refusal but not mine?
i mean where the fuck you got the impression that i'll agree to whatever you say?
and fuck you for having the fucking nerves to make the decision without my consent!
it's pathetically ironic when you go through all the fucking formalities, put on that fucking mask of yours and act so faking-ly polite to others.
but when it comes to me all you've shown was sheer injustice!
c'mon! be a man and for fuck sake listen to my side of the story!
it's so easy for you to say the job is manageable! you;re leaving anyway, what accountabilities do you have?
but what about me?
you claimed that there will be others who can guide and help me along the way...
oh please!
like 'hellyea' those people will come to my aid when i scream for help.
more likely i'll end up doing other people's shit instead! like how it always turn out to be...
it's so sickening when you say i can QUIT when things get too overwhelming.
FUCK!
since you have so little faith in me from the beginning why not strip my from that fucking list of yours at the first place?
and fuck whatever confidence you have in me because i know i cannot do it!
i know my own limits and i have a fucking valid reason to reject the post.
but did you fucking care?
yup you do actually...only for yourself!
i know you've taught me many things for the past few months but that doesn't mean that i'm suitable for this task.
you've got the wrong girl pal!
the next time you fucking wanna decide on something, make sure you understand the problems others might face instead of leaving them drowning in tears for that selfish plot of yours. fuck off!
Friday, December 16, 2011
Loneliness Knows Me by Name
He comes visiting once in awhile
Stopping by just to say 'hi' somehow...
it's comforting to know at least He cares
Just when i think i'm all alone
'Ah! He's right there'!
No need for friends who always need to fly
nor men who act just like some random guy
He's faithful
He's steadfast
He's one of a kind
He's Mr Loneliness
and he will always be mine...
Whenever i cry myself to sleep at night
I feel a gentle embrace warming those cold shoulders
"Let it all out. It's gonna be alright."
No one's more real than he is
He wipes away those empty tears
and has always been my best buddy
When no one seems to care at all
Whenever i feel small
He engulfs me with his wondrous arms
and there i sink into his dark charms
i'm lost within his touch
so soon to get used to the sanctuary he offers
i rather drown in the depths of loneliness
than to face just yet another disappointing empty promises
Dear Mr Loneliness...
would you marry me someday?
Stopping by just to say 'hi' somehow...
it's comforting to know at least He cares
Just when i think i'm all alone
'Ah! He's right there'!
No need for friends who always need to fly
nor men who act just like some random guy
He's faithful
He's steadfast
He's one of a kind
He's Mr Loneliness
and he will always be mine...
Whenever i cry myself to sleep at night
I feel a gentle embrace warming those cold shoulders
"Let it all out. It's gonna be alright."
No one's more real than he is
He wipes away those empty tears
and has always been my best buddy
When no one seems to care at all
Whenever i feel small
He engulfs me with his wondrous arms
and there i sink into his dark charms
i'm lost within his touch
so soon to get used to the sanctuary he offers
i rather drown in the depths of loneliness
than to face just yet another disappointing empty promises
Dear Mr Loneliness...
would you marry me someday?
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Hurt Part 2
i made a vow to myself never to allow my pride to be bruised again.
instead of learning from my past mistakes, i've decided to risk my all for another time in hopes that this time will be different...
i PRAYED that this time things would work out.
guessed i've place too much hopes and expectations on us...
and in this game of love once again costs my heart to shatter into a million unrecognizable pieces.
so many times i've been disappointed-
yet this heart has never been able to accustom to the pain of rejection.
the familiar agonizing spasms within my chest...
heavy poundings in my head
hands that turn stone cold...
i know that i'm hurt again.
why do you have such great effect on me?
why do i even feel you when you don't even care to look my way?
why did you take away my ability to smile?
why part of me dies when you've decided to walk out of my life?
the worst part is you don't even know this heart beats for you.
you know i'm not okay.
but how do i explain to you the reason for my solitary suffering is all because of you?
i'm not angry because you've found another.
i'm just frustrated with the fact that i can't stop myself from falling into you.
sorry for giving you cold shoulders but i just can't stand the sight of you anymore!
instead of learning from my past mistakes, i've decided to risk my all for another time in hopes that this time will be different...
i PRAYED that this time things would work out.
guessed i've place too much hopes and expectations on us...
and in this game of love once again costs my heart to shatter into a million unrecognizable pieces.
so many times i've been disappointed-
yet this heart has never been able to accustom to the pain of rejection.
the familiar agonizing spasms within my chest...
heavy poundings in my head
hands that turn stone cold...
i know that i'm hurt again.
why do you have such great effect on me?
why do i even feel you when you don't even care to look my way?
why did you take away my ability to smile?
why part of me dies when you've decided to walk out of my life?
the worst part is you don't even know this heart beats for you.
you know i'm not okay.
but how do i explain to you the reason for my solitary suffering is all because of you?
i'm not angry because you've found another.
i'm just frustrated with the fact that i can't stop myself from falling into you.
sorry for giving you cold shoulders but i just can't stand the sight of you anymore!
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Hurt Part 1
again, i taste the pain of rejection
the truth came without notification
a girl's dream- what's left? destruction
i'll never win a bit of your affections
i shouldna placed so much expectations
should have realized through your hesitations
yet your charm is like a deadly venom
poisons me with irreversible contamination
my feelings trampled, torn in frustration
my pride shattered into a thousand humiliation
my tears tickled by your cruel intention
i suffocate in this river of emotions
there's no way for a resurrection
neither a u-turn for my salvation
falling for you was a sinful temptation
caused me to bruise and bleed in damnation
the truth came without notification
a girl's dream- what's left? destruction
i'll never win a bit of your affections
i shouldna placed so much expectations
should have realized through your hesitations
yet your charm is like a deadly venom
poisons me with irreversible contamination
my feelings trampled, torn in frustration
my pride shattered into a thousand humiliation
my tears tickled by your cruel intention
i suffocate in this river of emotions
there's no way for a resurrection
neither a u-turn for my salvation
falling for you was a sinful temptation
caused me to bruise and bleed in damnation
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
A New Chapter of Disaster
It's been so long since the last disaster
That caused my heart to break and wither
Now that I've opened up my heart for another
Sadly this person doesn't seem to bother
You came into my life like beautiful summer
Your warm concerns melted the winter
Your witty jokes brought me so much laughter
I think I'm ready for a whole new chapter
I've longed for us to be together
At least a date or a simple dinner
But your replies are always 'no' or 'never'
Excuses come trashing one after another
You're an enigma that makes me wonder
So many questions urging me to ponder
Yet the more I seek you for an answer
I sense you slowly pushing me further
Your smiles can cause my pride to shatter
Yet at times you're like the bad weather
Either way you've crushed you've plundered
You make me feel as if I don't matter
I've made a vow never to utter
The three words to keep you with me forever
I've too much pride to be seen a loser
But I cannot contain this feeling any longer
I'm drowned in your shadows deeper and deeper
I hope you'll realize sooner or later
Either way it doesn't matter
As long as you give me a sure answer
That caused my heart to break and wither
Now that I've opened up my heart for another
Sadly this person doesn't seem to bother
You came into my life like beautiful summer
Your warm concerns melted the winter
Your witty jokes brought me so much laughter
I think I'm ready for a whole new chapter
I've longed for us to be together
At least a date or a simple dinner
But your replies are always 'no' or 'never'
Excuses come trashing one after another
You're an enigma that makes me wonder
So many questions urging me to ponder
Yet the more I seek you for an answer
I sense you slowly pushing me further
Your smiles can cause my pride to shatter
Yet at times you're like the bad weather
Either way you've crushed you've plundered
You make me feel as if I don't matter
I've made a vow never to utter
The three words to keep you with me forever
I've too much pride to be seen a loser
But I cannot contain this feeling any longer
I'm drowned in your shadows deeper and deeper
I hope you'll realize sooner or later
Either way it doesn't matter
As long as you give me a sure answer
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