again, i taste the pain of rejection
the truth came without notification
a girl's dream- what's left? destruction
i'll never win a bit of your affections
i shouldna placed so much expectations
should have realized through your hesitations
yet your charm is like a deadly venom
poisons me with irreversible contamination
my feelings trampled, torn in frustration
my pride shattered into a thousand humiliation
my tears tickled by your cruel intention
i suffocate in this river of emotions
there's no way for a resurrection
neither a u-turn for my salvation
falling for you was a sinful temptation
caused me to bruise and bleed in damnation
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
A New Chapter of Disaster
It's been so long since the last disaster
That caused my heart to break and wither
Now that I've opened up my heart for another
Sadly this person doesn't seem to bother
You came into my life like beautiful summer
Your warm concerns melted the winter
Your witty jokes brought me so much laughter
I think I'm ready for a whole new chapter
I've longed for us to be together
At least a date or a simple dinner
But your replies are always 'no' or 'never'
Excuses come trashing one after another
You're an enigma that makes me wonder
So many questions urging me to ponder
Yet the more I seek you for an answer
I sense you slowly pushing me further
Your smiles can cause my pride to shatter
Yet at times you're like the bad weather
Either way you've crushed you've plundered
You make me feel as if I don't matter
I've made a vow never to utter
The three words to keep you with me forever
I've too much pride to be seen a loser
But I cannot contain this feeling any longer
I'm drowned in your shadows deeper and deeper
I hope you'll realize sooner or later
Either way it doesn't matter
As long as you give me a sure answer
That caused my heart to break and wither
Now that I've opened up my heart for another
Sadly this person doesn't seem to bother
You came into my life like beautiful summer
Your warm concerns melted the winter
Your witty jokes brought me so much laughter
I think I'm ready for a whole new chapter
I've longed for us to be together
At least a date or a simple dinner
But your replies are always 'no' or 'never'
Excuses come trashing one after another
You're an enigma that makes me wonder
So many questions urging me to ponder
Yet the more I seek you for an answer
I sense you slowly pushing me further
Your smiles can cause my pride to shatter
Yet at times you're like the bad weather
Either way you've crushed you've plundered
You make me feel as if I don't matter
I've made a vow never to utter
The three words to keep you with me forever
I've too much pride to be seen a loser
But I cannot contain this feeling any longer
I'm drowned in your shadows deeper and deeper
I hope you'll realize sooner or later
Either way it doesn't matter
As long as you give me a sure answer
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Finally~~~
after a year long wait finally i got myself a brand new phone.
introducing my latest baby~
Samsung Corby II
nothing fancy actually. but what appealed me the most about this phone is its wifi capability and funky appearance. it's pink by the way. wanted a yellow one actually but only pink was available. don't you think the yellow corby and Bumblebee have so much in common? *wink*
other features of this phone are nothing to brag about but it does somehow suit my modest use of a phone.
hopefully this baby will last for a couple of years before my heart itches for another phone.
at the mean time, i'm gonna really enjoy using this cute lil fella <3 <3 <3
introducing my latest baby~
Samsung Corby II
nothing fancy actually. but what appealed me the most about this phone is its wifi capability and funky appearance. it's pink by the way. wanted a yellow one actually but only pink was available. don't you think the yellow corby and Bumblebee have so much in common? *wink*
other features of this phone are nothing to brag about but it does somehow suit my modest use of a phone.
hopefully this baby will last for a couple of years before my heart itches for another phone.
at the mean time, i'm gonna really enjoy using this cute lil fella <3 <3 <3
Friday, July 15, 2011
My Extended Family Members Act More Like Mother F*ckers Than Family
the definition of family may be seemingly objective to many but very much subjective to me in person.
the whole concept of family, to me, lies between the ends of sheer sincerity and hypocricity.
it so happen that mine are a bunch of shameless hypocrites.
i'm not afraid to admit that i only see my mum and eldest uncle as FAMILY.
for the other characters that so happen to land in my "family tree", well, they are but invisible apparations, playing no significant role in my life yet their existence is annoyingly irritating me.
i know i sounded selfish by claiming such statement.
call me whatever you want. i don't give a shit.
because what i'm doing is merely a teeny fraction of the damage these fuckers had inflicted upon me; intentionally or unintentionally.
i don't know whether to laugh it off or just be completely distrurbed by the fact that these so-called "family members" are not behaving like the ones you usually see in role model families.
it's not that i am placing too much expectations on them. in fact, i don't give a fuck on how they wanna live their lives.
all i'm asking for is that these nosy bunch of gossip-thristy bastards and bitches will keep their hands OFF my life.
stop shitting around trying to gain control over my life when you acted no less than a perfect stranger when we were in need for help.
you don't call each other "family" when you only come visiting once a year during Chinese New Year. your blant "how do you do-s" just pisses me off.
oh, and enough of your forsaken attempts to compare my performance in education with your children. just who the fuck you think you are to criticize the career path i chose for myself?
and you! yes, you! Son of a so-called Datuk. the amount of disrespect you've shown towards mum and i by refusing to enter our house till last Chinese New Year after knowing that i'm a first class student is unforgivable. don't you dare set foot in my house again you filty son of bitch!
so what if i never care to pick up your call? why, in the first place, should i answer a stranger's call? so you're trying to re-establish the "elder" status huh? well, you can go fuck the wall if you think i'll listen to your damned instructions! i was kind enough not to slam the receiver at you so don't you dare feel high and mighty! you know, i might as well delete your number from my contact list and that's what i'll do right now!
and specially to the old hag next door, you just wait and see. that sour pout face to show to mum each day, you think it's a sign of "authoritativeness" huh? everything's gonna come back to you soon. you'll get what you've sowed.
the other maggots who claimed to be part of my family...you are nothing, NOTHING to me. you are worst than strangers so please i beg you, PLEASE don't take the trouble to visit us annually. if it's such a pain in the ass for you to travel all the way from your "majestic palaces" to my "flithy peasant cottage", then do stay away from us! go mud-rolling in your swine swarmp, eat grapes served on silver platters, listen to high class baraoque music. do whatever pigs do and just stay away from our lives! it's not easy dealing with so many trampling pigs all over our house especially during Chinese New Year. Retreat to your swine house.
as for you... you made me. without you, i might not exist at all. but then again, your existence doesn't seem significant to me at all. we've gotten used to the feeling of carrying on with life without you even during the time when you were still alive. now that you are gone for good, it doesn't seem to change the pattern of our lives. you're existence will be remembered but definitely not missed.
you might find my remarks cruel and crude but that's how ugly circumstances shaped me to be the harsh and cold person i am in this post.
the whole concept of family, to me, lies between the ends of sheer sincerity and hypocricity.
it so happen that mine are a bunch of shameless hypocrites.
i'm not afraid to admit that i only see my mum and eldest uncle as FAMILY.
for the other characters that so happen to land in my "family tree", well, they are but invisible apparations, playing no significant role in my life yet their existence is annoyingly irritating me.
i know i sounded selfish by claiming such statement.
call me whatever you want. i don't give a shit.
because what i'm doing is merely a teeny fraction of the damage these fuckers had inflicted upon me; intentionally or unintentionally.
i don't know whether to laugh it off or just be completely distrurbed by the fact that these so-called "family members" are not behaving like the ones you usually see in role model families.
it's not that i am placing too much expectations on them. in fact, i don't give a fuck on how they wanna live their lives.
all i'm asking for is that these nosy bunch of gossip-thristy bastards and bitches will keep their hands OFF my life.
stop shitting around trying to gain control over my life when you acted no less than a perfect stranger when we were in need for help.
you don't call each other "family" when you only come visiting once a year during Chinese New Year. your blant "how do you do-s" just pisses me off.
oh, and enough of your forsaken attempts to compare my performance in education with your children. just who the fuck you think you are to criticize the career path i chose for myself?
and you! yes, you! Son of a so-called Datuk. the amount of disrespect you've shown towards mum and i by refusing to enter our house till last Chinese New Year after knowing that i'm a first class student is unforgivable. don't you dare set foot in my house again you filty son of bitch!
so what if i never care to pick up your call? why, in the first place, should i answer a stranger's call? so you're trying to re-establish the "elder" status huh? well, you can go fuck the wall if you think i'll listen to your damned instructions! i was kind enough not to slam the receiver at you so don't you dare feel high and mighty! you know, i might as well delete your number from my contact list and that's what i'll do right now!
and specially to the old hag next door, you just wait and see. that sour pout face to show to mum each day, you think it's a sign of "authoritativeness" huh? everything's gonna come back to you soon. you'll get what you've sowed.
the other maggots who claimed to be part of my family...you are nothing, NOTHING to me. you are worst than strangers so please i beg you, PLEASE don't take the trouble to visit us annually. if it's such a pain in the ass for you to travel all the way from your "majestic palaces" to my "flithy peasant cottage", then do stay away from us! go mud-rolling in your swine swarmp, eat grapes served on silver platters, listen to high class baraoque music. do whatever pigs do and just stay away from our lives! it's not easy dealing with so many trampling pigs all over our house especially during Chinese New Year. Retreat to your swine house.
as for you... you made me. without you, i might not exist at all. but then again, your existence doesn't seem significant to me at all. we've gotten used to the feeling of carrying on with life without you even during the time when you were still alive. now that you are gone for good, it doesn't seem to change the pattern of our lives. you're existence will be remembered but definitely not missed.
you might find my remarks cruel and crude but that's how ugly circumstances shaped me to be the harsh and cold person i am in this post.
Monday, July 11, 2011
New Target
i need a new phone!
my old phone is difficult to charge and it has the tendency to shut itself off anytime without warning...
of course the ultimate reason is that my heart itches for a new phone la... (shy)
realizing how much i cherish new gadgets (erm...correction! how much i cherish CHANGING new gadgets), i finally decided to just settle wif a cheap yet stylish phone!
tada~~~
introducing the new Samsung Corby II ^3^
it's fun, it's colorful, it has erm...almost everything i need (not WANT, note that!)
but most importantly, it FREAKINGLY cheap!!!
you know, for RM340 i can get my hand on this baby and also a 2Gb memory card.
sounds pretty reasonable to me =D
hmmm...if only i can figure out where to get that amount of cash for this beauty...
my old phone is difficult to charge and it has the tendency to shut itself off anytime without warning...
of course the ultimate reason is that my heart itches for a new phone la... (shy)
realizing how much i cherish new gadgets (erm...correction! how much i cherish CHANGING new gadgets), i finally decided to just settle wif a cheap yet stylish phone!
tada~~~
introducing the new Samsung Corby II ^3^
it's fun, it's colorful, it has erm...almost everything i need (not WANT, note that!)
but most importantly, it FREAKINGLY cheap!!!
you know, for RM340 i can get my hand on this baby and also a 2Gb memory card.
sounds pretty reasonable to me =D
hmmm...if only i can figure out where to get that amount of cash for this beauty...
Ups and Downs (Hmmm...Mostly Downs)
phew~~~
it's been awhile and i sure hell miss pouring my frustrations and mindless thoughts through blogging.
life has been quite challenging yet i would say very much fruitful compare to the last time when i had so much of free time and training my lazy bugs to conquer my entity :p
i've come to accustomize myself to working lifestyle.
not really pleasant but the paycheque day certainly kills away all the hardship throughout the month...
just one little thing i noticed since i started my Masters and working, this entire year of 2011 seems to hold much obstacles for me.
in fact for the past months since i've joined the workforce, there's definitely one GREAT challenge every month without fail and often kills my will to continue working...
SIGH~~~
but i will not succumb to these teeny challenges.
it's just not my nature to surrender or be defeated without a real fight.
so what i can do is just carry on with the strenght and wisdom from HIM and prrayers of blessing from HER.
aja aja FIGHTING!!!
it's been awhile and i sure hell miss pouring my frustrations and mindless thoughts through blogging.
life has been quite challenging yet i would say very much fruitful compare to the last time when i had so much of free time and training my lazy bugs to conquer my entity :p
i've come to accustomize myself to working lifestyle.
not really pleasant but the paycheque day certainly kills away all the hardship throughout the month...
just one little thing i noticed since i started my Masters and working, this entire year of 2011 seems to hold much obstacles for me.
in fact for the past months since i've joined the workforce, there's definitely one GREAT challenge every month without fail and often kills my will to continue working...
SIGH~~~
but i will not succumb to these teeny challenges.
it's just not my nature to surrender or be defeated without a real fight.
so what i can do is just carry on with the strenght and wisdom from HIM and prrayers of blessing from HER.
aja aja FIGHTING!!!
Thursday, May 19, 2011
2 Months At Work
its been awhile...
started working on 4th of April and the first month was like standing on shaky grounds- full of uncertainties, fears, doubts, depression...
it's almost the end of the second month working in this alien land and conditions started to improve.
of course every now and then i'm still startled by sudden assignments and deployments but at least they've shown no signs of getting rid of me like how they used to in the first month.
in fact, life's been kinda enjoyable...busy during the weekdays and laid back weekends (still in denial in terms of my thesis-completion though =P)
really learned a lot ever since i started working. kicked off really uncomfortably especially when it comes to replying emails with a certain degree of formality. cc here bcc there...wtf
finally started teaching on 9th May.
the kids were overly-daring to speak up during discussion.
sometime i wish could shove my heels into their mouths to shut 'em up especially when the issues they raise have high chances of causing me my job or stir up a nation-wide riot.
regardless their impulsive, laser-mouthed nature, i am still vowed to teach them with all i have...keeping my fingers crossed in hope they'll behave in every lesson LOL
for a new rookie like me, God has been treating me really well. even got the chance to attend some sort of a social party kinda dinner...working here certainly opened my eyes to the world =)
new life, new home, new friends... that's what i'm trying my best to adapt to currently.
however, one thing that has been robbed from me since i started work is TIME... i really need more time for all the work that are accumulating...
sigh~
a hefty price to pay in return for $ =.=
started working on 4th of April and the first month was like standing on shaky grounds- full of uncertainties, fears, doubts, depression...
it's almost the end of the second month working in this alien land and conditions started to improve.
of course every now and then i'm still startled by sudden assignments and deployments but at least they've shown no signs of getting rid of me like how they used to in the first month.
in fact, life's been kinda enjoyable...busy during the weekdays and laid back weekends (still in denial in terms of my thesis-completion though =P)
really learned a lot ever since i started working. kicked off really uncomfortably especially when it comes to replying emails with a certain degree of formality. cc here bcc there...wtf
finally started teaching on 9th May.
the kids were overly-daring to speak up during discussion.
sometime i wish could shove my heels into their mouths to shut 'em up especially when the issues they raise have high chances of causing me my job or stir up a nation-wide riot.
regardless their impulsive, laser-mouthed nature, i am still vowed to teach them with all i have...keeping my fingers crossed in hope they'll behave in every lesson LOL
for a new rookie like me, God has been treating me really well. even got the chance to attend some sort of a social party kinda dinner...working here certainly opened my eyes to the world =)
new life, new home, new friends... that's what i'm trying my best to adapt to currently.
however, one thing that has been robbed from me since i started work is TIME... i really need more time for all the work that are accumulating...
sigh~
a hefty price to pay in return for $ =.=
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