I've been using so much vulgar words within these few days more than I am supposed to in my entire lifetime :P
Then again, is there (by chance) any other simpler way to express anger?
If there is, please show me!
'Cause seriously I am kinda out of 'curse words' if ever the situation exacerbates!!!
Kinda sad how things turn into the way they are now (in a bad way...)
I don't mean to 'toxify' the image of a fair lady I am supposed to be... Not that I want to be one anyway :P
But sometimes, people just tick you off and BAMB!!! There goes the strings and strings of never ending swears and curses~~~
However, I still think my situation is mild, in fact, VERY mild.
Til now, no one has actually died from my anger. Suffer, maybe but DEFINITELY no casualties yet!
I guess I'm quite good in sheilding my fury under the poker face mask. Except for the swearing of course.
Someone almost killed me when they said that I don't look pissed enough to use 'certain' swear words (not qualified, hah!) 'cause I was still smiling whilst cursing like fireworks on Fourth of July.
These people will be the death of me!!!
Can't you see if I really unleash the fury beast inside me, all living things will DIE mercilessly!
Well, people, I still very much wanna go to heaven for your information. So, I will NOT stain my hands with innocent blood!
My anger is my own. I know how to control it and need not need any individuals to comment how well of sucky my poker face is.
Who cares anyway right?
Friday, November 26, 2010
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Can't Wait ^^
Obviously despite all the gloomy black aura you see lingering around me these few weeks, I am sure hell happy for this one thing-
~I'm off to further my MA Sc TESL in January 2011~
A handful of people were kinda skeptical for the fact that a girl is furthering her studies, DITCHing her againg mum ALONE, RUNNING AWAY from financial responsibilities bla bla bla...
Well, I just have two words for people like that-
FUCK YOU!
Can't you see I am off to build a better future, as in FINANCIALLY better for both mum and me?
And years ago stereotypical statements like these 'crossed' my path and had me fuming in fire of angst until this very day!
"What's the use of girls furthering their studies? Just act pretty and get married!"
"No guys like girls who are smarter than them."
Well, I think I need to say this with actions in order to make a statement here-
FUCK YOU (with two middle fingers displayed)
If you can't overcome this inferior complex, then you are in the wrong century. I would suggest that you book a flight (if it ever exists) and travel back to the ice age if you shamefully fail to control your urge to dominate women!
p/s This article is purely fiction. Does not concern the dead, the living or the will-be-borns :P
I AM HAPPY FOR WHAT I'VE ACHIEVED YESTERDAY, WHAT I'M ACHIEVING NOW, AND WHAT I'LL ACHIEVE IN THE FUTURE!
~I'm off to further my MA Sc TESL in January 2011~
A handful of people were kinda skeptical for the fact that a girl is furthering her studies, DITCHing her againg mum ALONE, RUNNING AWAY from financial responsibilities bla bla bla...
Well, I just have two words for people like that-
FUCK YOU!
Can't you see I am off to build a better future, as in FINANCIALLY better for both mum and me?
And years ago stereotypical statements like these 'crossed' my path and had me fuming in fire of angst until this very day!
"What's the use of girls furthering their studies? Just act pretty and get married!"
"No guys like girls who are smarter than them."
Well, I think I need to say this with actions in order to make a statement here-
FUCK YOU (with two middle fingers displayed)
If you can't overcome this inferior complex, then you are in the wrong century. I would suggest that you book a flight (if it ever exists) and travel back to the ice age if you shamefully fail to control your urge to dominate women!
p/s This article is purely fiction. Does not concern the dead, the living or the will-be-borns :P
I AM HAPPY FOR WHAT I'VE ACHIEVED YESTERDAY, WHAT I'M ACHIEVING NOW, AND WHAT I'LL ACHIEVE IN THE FUTURE!
I Know I've Been Frickin' Moody Lately =.=lll
I know I shouldn't be saying this but...
Life's kinda wearing me out, especially these few weeks.
Often left me wondering if I can survive the next day, or even worst, the rest of today T.T
Why is it that life's so demanding towards a creature who wants nothing but a simple, quiet life?
Lately, my eyelids are so heavy I struggle to stay awake...
Not that I am sleepy.
Should just say I am physically, mentally and emotionally drained.
Sounds like bullshit to any 24 year olds out there, I suppose??
Young adults marks the beginning of their lives perhaps from the moment they get their first paycheck:-
financial stability = zero dependance on parents = buy own stuff = FREEDOM!!!
Now, can anyone please explain to me why I don't feel so?
Why is it that each day I feel more burden being placed on these frail shoulders? Not that I wanna run away from all the financial responsibilities. Neither am I escaping the duties to take care of my aging mum...
There's this unexplanable feeling of...I don't know...perhaps the best description is-
I AM FRICKKIN' TIRED OF LIFE~~~
I just don't know why I feel this way...
Oh, oh, perhaps I DO know what went wrong! And all of which starts with an 'If only mum':-
1. If only mum stops acting grumpy and naggy
2. If only mum place more faith in me
3. If only mum didn't call me a bullshit the other day
4. If only mum didn't question why am I still staying at her house
5. If only mum didn't utter those heart-piercing words during fights
6. If only mum realize I did pay for house expenses too
7. If only mum understand why I keep silent everytime we fight
8. If only mum listen more
9. If only mum learn how to stop worrying over microscopic matters
10. If only mum chose not to bring me to this world...
I know I'm being crude to just pin point my fucking finger at my mum for this shit I'm feeling but YES, I AM moody because of her.
God forgive me for writing this. I have to write, need to , MUST. Because no one understands this feeling more than I do. No one will emphatize, they'll just shot sympathetic glances which my pride cannot stand.
So, please 'legalize' this post so I can retrieve some sanity before I do something stupid to myself.
Life's kinda wearing me out, especially these few weeks.
Often left me wondering if I can survive the next day, or even worst, the rest of today T.T
Why is it that life's so demanding towards a creature who wants nothing but a simple, quiet life?
Lately, my eyelids are so heavy I struggle to stay awake...
Not that I am sleepy.
Should just say I am physically, mentally and emotionally drained.
Sounds like bullshit to any 24 year olds out there, I suppose??
Young adults marks the beginning of their lives perhaps from the moment they get their first paycheck:-
financial stability = zero dependance on parents = buy own stuff = FREEDOM!!!
Now, can anyone please explain to me why I don't feel so?
Why is it that each day I feel more burden being placed on these frail shoulders? Not that I wanna run away from all the financial responsibilities. Neither am I escaping the duties to take care of my aging mum...
There's this unexplanable feeling of...I don't know...perhaps the best description is-
I AM FRICKKIN' TIRED OF LIFE~~~
I just don't know why I feel this way...
Oh, oh, perhaps I DO know what went wrong! And all of which starts with an 'If only mum':-
1. If only mum stops acting grumpy and naggy
2. If only mum place more faith in me
3. If only mum didn't call me a bullshit the other day
4. If only mum didn't question why am I still staying at her house
5. If only mum didn't utter those heart-piercing words during fights
6. If only mum realize I did pay for house expenses too
7. If only mum understand why I keep silent everytime we fight
8. If only mum listen more
9. If only mum learn how to stop worrying over microscopic matters
10. If only mum chose not to bring me to this world...
I know I'm being crude to just pin point my fucking finger at my mum for this shit I'm feeling but YES, I AM moody because of her.
God forgive me for writing this. I have to write, need to , MUST. Because no one understands this feeling more than I do. No one will emphatize, they'll just shot sympathetic glances which my pride cannot stand.
So, please 'legalize' this post so I can retrieve some sanity before I do something stupid to myself.
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Haiz...Tak Jadi Pulak! =.=lll
I so looked forward to today- 18th November 2010.
"Anything big this day?" I hear you asked.
Sure hell yea~ If tossing my resignation letter counts!
All the shit lately stressed me up so much I just can't wait to brush off all the dirt and getta hell out of this place!
Plus, my Masters program is actually summoning me~~~ "Come to UPM now~~~"
You would never have guessed how much courage I need to gather before breaking this news to the ever 'concern' colleagues of mine =.=
I thought the process of handing in the letter would be a smooth one...
Sadly, it was not...
No one was available to verify my letter. Worst, I can actually hear whispers of gossipping among 'those' people about my leaving from this place even when I'm blasting off my eardrums with Adam Lambert's screeching screamings!!!
Hey, isn't quitting the job MY concern?!!! Who need yours?!!!
Yet, I have to put tis plan on hold until tomorrow...
Another day of gruelling anticipation...
Killing me cells!
"Anything big this day?" I hear you asked.
Sure hell yea~ If tossing my resignation letter counts!
All the shit lately stressed me up so much I just can't wait to brush off all the dirt and getta hell out of this place!
Plus, my Masters program is actually summoning me~~~ "Come to UPM now~~~"
You would never have guessed how much courage I need to gather before breaking this news to the ever 'concern' colleagues of mine =.=
I thought the process of handing in the letter would be a smooth one...
Sadly, it was not...
No one was available to verify my letter. Worst, I can actually hear whispers of gossipping among 'those' people about my leaving from this place even when I'm blasting off my eardrums with Adam Lambert's screeching screamings!!!
Hey, isn't quitting the job MY concern?!!! Who need yours?!!!
Yet, I have to put tis plan on hold until tomorrow...
Another day of gruelling anticipation...
Killing me cells!
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
If Only...Killing Is Legal
If killing is legal, where would be a scoll measuring a couple of kilometers long, inprinted with names of shitty people that I will and WANT to take my own sweet time torturing and slaughtering for my own satisfaction!
But there is this one particular organization that I sure hell will do anything to have them dead before night falls tonight.
I'll make sure none of them witness daylight ever again!
Curse them to damnation for this feeling of unbearable fear they have inflicted upon me.
Why should I be blamed for the shit you've guys done?
Damnit!
The internet is not a safe place to spill the exquisite details of the who-s, the why-s and the how-s this particular bunch of fuckers' been a pain in my ass for the past few months. So, sorry for leaving whoever's reading this blog with question marks dancing round their heads.
If you care to know, just speak to me in person...
But I doubt anyone will...
If killing is legal, I will not be here now typing away my angst!
If only...
But there is this one particular organization that I sure hell will do anything to have them dead before night falls tonight.
I'll make sure none of them witness daylight ever again!
Curse them to damnation for this feeling of unbearable fear they have inflicted upon me.
Why should I be blamed for the shit you've guys done?
Damnit!
The internet is not a safe place to spill the exquisite details of the who-s, the why-s and the how-s this particular bunch of fuckers' been a pain in my ass for the past few months. So, sorry for leaving whoever's reading this blog with question marks dancing round their heads.
If you care to know, just speak to me in person...
But I doubt anyone will...
If killing is legal, I will not be here now typing away my angst!
If only...
Tired...Of Life
Lately I've been so bothered.
So bothered that I feel that life's not worth living for another person!
Why is it that my sacrifices are always left unknown, unappreciated, even unwanted, at times?
Why is it that my life needs to be 'dictated' by someone else when it's supposed to be me?
And when shit happens, everyone shoves the blame to me!
I mean WHAT THE FUCK?
Why must you navigate all the decisions I want to make and strip me from all the damn rights I'm supposed to have?
Who gave you the fucking rights to make my life yours?
Whoelse will understand my situation? My feelings? My silent suffering?!!
HELL!!!
No one!
Am I meant to stay this way forever?
I'm just plain tired of my life right now!
How nice if I'm able to go through the metamorphosis cycle- having able to experience life with a different perspective in different stages...
Then...
Leave this agonizing, devastating and ever-so-disappointing land called Earth
with wings of a butterfly...
I do wish that life is short, right now...
So bothered that I feel that life's not worth living for another person!
Why is it that my sacrifices are always left unknown, unappreciated, even unwanted, at times?
Why is it that my life needs to be 'dictated' by someone else when it's supposed to be me?
And when shit happens, everyone shoves the blame to me!
I mean WHAT THE FUCK?
Why must you navigate all the decisions I want to make and strip me from all the damn rights I'm supposed to have?
Who gave you the fucking rights to make my life yours?
Whoelse will understand my situation? My feelings? My silent suffering?!!
HELL!!!
No one!
Am I meant to stay this way forever?
I'm just plain tired of my life right now!
How nice if I'm able to go through the metamorphosis cycle- having able to experience life with a different perspective in different stages...
Then...
Leave this agonizing, devastating and ever-so-disappointing land called Earth
with wings of a butterfly...
I do wish that life is short, right now...
Friday, November 12, 2010
BRRRRRRRRRRRRR~~~
Today's such a cold day.
In fact these few days, the weather is failing those who look forward to a glimps of sunshine...
It's so cold my fingers are turning blue, fingernails white, lips purple...
BRRRRRRRR~~~
My bones are aching into some kind of numbness that slows my typing speed.
Pathetic.
However, the physical coldness I feel can never be more destructive than that of the awkward coldness among mankind.
What would be the 'coldest' sh*t men can inflict upon each other?
1. Baby Dumping- Perhaps the most animalistic behavior ever displayed. Abortion is bad enough, but leaving newborns on doorsteps is no trend people!
2. Murder and Violence- It irks just to squash a millipede dead, so now tell me how can men take the lives of their own kind, even their own kids and spouse? F*cking madness! Must be DAMN heartless to commit such act, regardless the motive, intention, instruments and methods applied!!!
3. Divorce- All the 'I love you's , 'happily ever after's and 'till death do us apart's turn to ashes when two people, who once vowed in the name of love now claim that they no longer love each other. Do the separation (be it mutual or exclusive) prior to marriage! Do it not if children come into the picture. You can never emphatize the pain these chldren go through result of their parents' divorce.
4. Cheating against Spouse- Like what Adam Lambert said in his Glam Nation Tour, "No matter how much money, fame and sex you have, it doesn't mean anything unless it is connected with L.O.V.E". But that does not allow one to practice poligamy prior or after marriage! If you can't control the over-abundant 'agape' love of yours, then you might as well stay single and flirt all you want with no strings attached! Better still, don't love and go hurting others!
5. Lies- Be it 'Black' or 'White', lies are still lies. Lies are like personified viruses (virus with human personalities) in the TV series 'Fringe', they drill every nook and cranny just to expose themselves! In the end of the day, all the sh*t will come back to you and that's the colddess moment you'll ever feel because you have betrayed everyone's trust and no one will no longer pay any attention to you.
If I go on writing about all the cold sh*t among human, I can publish an autobiography with respect to all the sh*tty people who does cold sh*tty things! Good lord, it'll be the thickest book ever printed in human's history!
I guess I better stop now. Its nerve-shattering cold in this office and more revelation of cold heartless human acts will not help ease the situation here.
Now what I need is a cup of hot cocoa, a day bed with goose-feathered comforter and a hot, sexy rockstar lover to serenade me...
In fact these few days, the weather is failing those who look forward to a glimps of sunshine...
It's so cold my fingers are turning blue, fingernails white, lips purple...
BRRRRRRRR~~~
My bones are aching into some kind of numbness that slows my typing speed.
Pathetic.
However, the physical coldness I feel can never be more destructive than that of the awkward coldness among mankind.
What would be the 'coldest' sh*t men can inflict upon each other?
1. Baby Dumping- Perhaps the most animalistic behavior ever displayed. Abortion is bad enough, but leaving newborns on doorsteps is no trend people!
2. Murder and Violence- It irks just to squash a millipede dead, so now tell me how can men take the lives of their own kind, even their own kids and spouse? F*cking madness! Must be DAMN heartless to commit such act, regardless the motive, intention, instruments and methods applied!!!
3. Divorce- All the 'I love you's , 'happily ever after's and 'till death do us apart's turn to ashes when two people, who once vowed in the name of love now claim that they no longer love each other. Do the separation (be it mutual or exclusive) prior to marriage! Do it not if children come into the picture. You can never emphatize the pain these chldren go through result of their parents' divorce.
4. Cheating against Spouse- Like what Adam Lambert said in his Glam Nation Tour, "No matter how much money, fame and sex you have, it doesn't mean anything unless it is connected with L.O.V.E". But that does not allow one to practice poligamy prior or after marriage! If you can't control the over-abundant 'agape' love of yours, then you might as well stay single and flirt all you want with no strings attached! Better still, don't love and go hurting others!
5. Lies- Be it 'Black' or 'White', lies are still lies. Lies are like personified viruses (virus with human personalities) in the TV series 'Fringe', they drill every nook and cranny just to expose themselves! In the end of the day, all the sh*t will come back to you and that's the colddess moment you'll ever feel because you have betrayed everyone's trust and no one will no longer pay any attention to you.
If I go on writing about all the cold sh*t among human, I can publish an autobiography with respect to all the sh*tty people who does cold sh*tty things! Good lord, it'll be the thickest book ever printed in human's history!
I guess I better stop now. Its nerve-shattering cold in this office and more revelation of cold heartless human acts will not help ease the situation here.
Now what I need is a cup of hot cocoa, a day bed with goose-feathered comforter and a hot, sexy rockstar lover to serenade me...
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