Loneliness Knows Me by Name

He comes visiting once in awhile
Stopping by just to say 'hi' somehow...
it's comforting to know at least He cares
Just when i think i'm all alone
'Ah! He's right there'!
No need for friends who always need to fly
nor men who act just like some random guy
He's faithful
He's steadfast
He's one of a kind
He's Mr Loneliness
and he will always be mine...
Whenever i cry myself to sleep at night
I feel a gentle embrace warming those cold shoulders
"Let it all out. It's gonna be alright."
No one's more real than he is
He wipes away those empty tears
and has always been my best buddy
When no one seems to care at all
Whenever i feel small
He engulfs me with his wondrous arms
and there i sink into his dark charms
i'm lost within his touch
so soon to get used to the sanctuary he offers
i rather drown in the depths of loneliness
than to face just yet another disappointing empty promises
Dear Mr Loneliness...
would you marry me someday?

Hurt Part 2

i made a vow to myself never to allow my pride to be bruised again.

instead of learning from my past mistakes, i've decided to risk my all for another time in hopes that this time will be different...

i PRAYED that this time things would work out.

guessed i've place too much hopes and expectations on us...

and in this game of love once again costs my heart to shatter into a million unrecognizable pieces.

so many times i've been disappointed-

yet this heart has never been able to accustom to the pain of rejection.

the familiar agonizing spasms within my chest...

heavy poundings in my head

hands that turn stone cold...

i know that i'm hurt again.

why do you have such great effect on me?

why do i even feel you when you don't even care to look my way?

why did you take away my ability to smile?

why part of me dies when you've decided to walk out of my life?

the worst part is you don't even know this heart beats for you.

you know i'm not okay.

but how do i explain to you the reason for my solitary suffering is all because of you?

i'm not angry because you've found another.

i'm just frustrated with the fact that i can't stop myself from falling into you.

sorry for giving you cold shoulders but i just can't stand the sight of you anymore!

Hurt Part 1

again, i taste the pain of rejection
the truth came without notification
a girl's dream- what's left? destruction
i'll never win a bit of your affections

i shouldna placed so much expectations
should have realized through your hesitations
yet your charm is like a deadly venom
poisons me with irreversible contamination

my feelings trampled, torn in frustration
my pride shattered into a thousand humiliation
my tears tickled by your cruel intention
i suffocate in this river of emotions

there's no way for a resurrection
neither a u-turn for my salvation
falling for you was a sinful temptation
caused me to bruise and bleed in damnation

A New Chapter of Disaster

It's been so long since the last disaster
That caused my heart to break and wither
Now that I've opened up my heart for another
Sadly this person doesn't seem to bother

You came into my life like beautiful summer
Your warm concerns melted the winter
Your witty jokes brought me so much laughter
I think I'm ready for a whole new chapter

I've longed for us to be together
At least a date or a simple dinner
But your replies are always 'no' or 'never'
Excuses come trashing one after another

You're an enigma that makes me wonder
So many questions urging me to ponder
Yet the more I seek you for an answer
I sense you slowly pushing me further

Your smiles can cause my pride to shatter
Yet at times you're like the bad weather
Either way you've crushed you've plundered
You make me feel as if I don't matter

I've made a vow never to utter
The three words to keep you with me forever
I've too much pride to be seen a loser
But I cannot contain this feeling any longer

I'm drowned in your shadows deeper and deeper
I hope you'll realize sooner or later
Either way it doesn't matter
As long as you give me a sure answer

Finally~~~

after a year long wait finally i got myself a brand new phone.

introducing my latest baby~

Samsung Corby II

nothing fancy actually. but what appealed me the most about this phone is its wifi capability and funky appearance. it's pink by the way. wanted a yellow one actually but only pink was available. don't you think the yellow corby and Bumblebee have so much in common? *wink*

other features of this phone are nothing to brag about but it does somehow suit my modest use of a phone.

hopefully this baby will last for a couple of years before my heart itches for another phone.

at the mean time, i'm gonna really enjoy using this cute lil fella <3 <3 <3

My Extended Family Members Act More Like Mother F*ckers Than Family

the definition of family may be seemingly objective to many but very much subjective to me in person.

the whole concept of family, to me, lies between the ends of sheer sincerity and hypocricity.

it so happen that mine are a bunch of shameless hypocrites.

i'm not afraid to admit that i only see my mum and eldest uncle as FAMILY.

for the other characters that so happen to land in my "family tree", well, they are but invisible apparations, playing no significant role in my life yet their existence is annoyingly irritating me.

i know i sounded selfish by claiming such statement.

call me whatever you want. i don't give a shit.

because what i'm doing is merely a teeny fraction of the damage these fuckers had inflicted upon me; intentionally or unintentionally.

i don't know whether to laugh it off or just be completely distrurbed by the fact that these so-called "family members" are not behaving like the ones you usually see in role model families.

it's not that i am placing too much expectations on them. in fact, i don't give a fuck on how they wanna live their lives.

all i'm asking for is that these nosy bunch of gossip-thristy bastards and bitches will keep their hands OFF my life.

stop shitting around trying to gain control over my life when you acted no less than a perfect stranger when we were in need for help.

you don't call each other "family" when you only come visiting once a year during Chinese New Year. your blant "how do you do-s" just pisses me off.

oh, and enough of your forsaken attempts to compare my performance in education with your children. just who the fuck you think you are to criticize the career path i chose for myself?

and you! yes, you! Son of a so-called Datuk. the amount of disrespect you've shown towards mum and i by refusing to enter our house till last Chinese New Year after knowing that i'm a first class student is unforgivable. don't you dare set foot in my house again you filty son of bitch!

so what if i never care to pick up your call? why, in the first place, should i answer a stranger's call? so you're trying to re-establish the "elder" status huh? well, you can go fuck the wall if you think i'll listen to your damned instructions! i was kind enough not to slam the receiver at you so don't you dare feel high and mighty! you know, i might as well delete your number from my contact list and that's what i'll do right now!

and specially to the old hag next door, you just wait and see. that sour pout face to show to mum each day, you think it's a sign of "authoritativeness" huh? everything's gonna come back to you soon. you'll get what you've sowed.

the other maggots who claimed to be part of my family...you are nothing, NOTHING to me. you are worst than strangers so please i beg you, PLEASE don't take the trouble to visit us annually. if it's such a pain in the ass for you to travel all the way from your "majestic palaces" to my "flithy peasant cottage", then do stay away from us! go mud-rolling in your swine swarmp, eat grapes served on silver platters, listen to high class baraoque music. do whatever pigs do and just stay away from our lives! it's not easy dealing with so many trampling pigs all over our house especially during Chinese New Year. Retreat to your swine house.

as for you... you made me. without you, i might not exist at all. but then again, your existence doesn't seem significant to me at all. we've gotten used to the feeling of carrying on with life without you even during the time when you were still alive. now that you are gone for good, it doesn't seem to change the pattern of our lives. you're existence will be remembered but definitely not missed.

you might find my remarks cruel and crude but that's how ugly circumstances shaped me to be the harsh and cold person i am in this post.

New Target

i need a new phone!

my old phone is difficult to charge and it has the tendency to shut itself off anytime without warning...

of course the ultimate reason is that my heart itches for a new phone la... (shy)

realizing how much i cherish new gadgets (erm...correction! how much i cherish CHANGING new gadgets), i finally decided to just settle wif a cheap yet stylish phone!

tada~~~



introducing the new Samsung Corby II ^3^

it's fun, it's colorful, it has erm...almost everything i need (not WANT, note that!)

but most importantly, it FREAKINGLY cheap!!!

you know, for RM340 i can get my hand on this baby and also a 2Gb memory card.

sounds pretty reasonable to me =D

hmmm...if only i can figure out where to get that amount of cash for this beauty...

Ups and Downs (Hmmm...Mostly Downs)

phew~~~

it's been awhile and i sure hell miss pouring my frustrations and mindless thoughts through blogging.

life has been quite challenging yet i would say very much fruitful compare to the last time when i had so much of free time and training my lazy bugs to conquer my entity :p

i've come to accustomize myself to working lifestyle.

not really pleasant but the paycheque day certainly kills away all the hardship throughout the month...

just one little thing i noticed since i started my Masters and working, this entire year of 2011 seems to hold much obstacles for me.

in fact for the past months since i've joined the workforce, there's definitely one GREAT challenge every month without fail and often kills my will to continue working...

SIGH~~~

but i will not succumb to these teeny challenges.

it's just not my nature to surrender or be defeated without a real fight.

so what i can do is just carry on with the strenght and wisdom from HIM and prrayers of blessing from HER.

aja aja FIGHTING!!!

2 Months At Work

its been awhile...

started working on 4th of April and the first month was like standing on shaky grounds- full of uncertainties, fears, doubts, depression...

it's almost the end of the second month working in this alien land and conditions started to improve.

of course every now and then i'm still startled by sudden assignments and deployments but at least they've shown no signs of getting rid of me like how they used to in the first month.

in fact, life's been kinda enjoyable...busy during the weekdays and laid back weekends (still in denial in terms of my thesis-completion though =P)

really learned a lot ever since i started working. kicked off really uncomfortably especially when it comes to replying emails with a certain degree of formality. cc here bcc there...wtf

finally started teaching on 9th May.

the kids were overly-daring to speak up during discussion.

sometime i wish could shove my heels into their mouths to shut 'em up especially when the issues they raise have high chances of causing me my job or stir up a nation-wide riot.

regardless their impulsive, laser-mouthed nature, i am still vowed to teach them with all i have...keeping my fingers crossed in hope they'll behave in every lesson LOL

for a new rookie like me, God has been treating me really well. even got the chance to attend some sort of a social party kinda dinner...working here certainly opened my eyes to the world =)

new life, new home, new friends... that's what i'm trying my best to adapt to currently.

however, one thing that has been robbed from me since i started work is TIME... i really need more time for all the work that are accumulating...

sigh~

a hefty price to pay in return for $ =.=

Working- This Time is for REAL

it's been quite some time since i went M.I.A.

folks, i wanna apologize for that...

not that i've lost interest in blurting out my ups and downs through blogging,

it's just the fact that i don't have enough time!

started working as a junior lecturer on 4th of April and it has been quite challenging and i would say nerve-breaking at times.

working life is so unpredictable!

especially the people you are working with.

just few days ago i got my first taste of serious office politics @ backstabbing @ bitching.

it's not like i've never experienced it before...

but this time,

tastes like shit!

i really miss the days when i proudly call myself a full-time professional student.

nothing to worry about except for assignment deadlines and exams.

now that i'm working AND studying at the same time,

shit doubles.

worst thing is-

i can NEVER trust anyone.

everyone has their own agendas and they are good at putting up poker faces.

and i can't just make enemies as easily as what i usually and will always do during my degree years because who knows i might have to work with these mother fuckers in the future.

it sucks to be the rookie; the newbie simply because i can never make myself heard.

gone are the days where i can shove the I-DON'T-GIVE-A-FUCK attitude to the people and the things that i dislike.

and it's not helping when my workplace is so damn faraway from civilization.

i miss my friends who don't judge me merely after few days of knowing me.

i miss the fact that civilization was just a 10 minutes drive from where i used to live. (now i need drive at least 30 minutes depending on the traffic load)

i having all the time in the world to fully concentrate on my studies and play equally as hard too.

it seems like i've become a little mellow since the day i started working.

i'm no longer so much like that of my usual self...

i talk less (bad sign)

i skip dinner, not even a sip of milo. (bad sign)

in fact, i'm too tired to feel hungry after 9 hours at work. (bad sign)

what is happening to me?

i feel loneliness more intense lately...

it's just so difficult to adjust to a new life with faces, places and culture so alien to mine...

peeps, just a little piece of advice to ya-

embrace every second whilst you're still known as a full-time student.

appreciate your uni buddies especially because when comes to circumstances like what i'm going through now,

they'll be the ones that you'll miss the most.

the money factor is a great motivation to strip off the student title.

but the best days of your lives will always be the times you call yourself a university student.

this is me speaking through experience.

Di Sebalik Tabir "Hikayat Merong Mahawangsa" (Bahagian 03)

Di Sebalik Tabir "Hikayat Merong Mahawangsa" (Bahagian 02)

Di Sebalik Tabir "Hikayat Merong Mahawangsa" (Bahagian 01)

Hikayat Merong Mahawangsa (Official English Trailer)

The Prayer During The End Times

i apologize for being extra mellow these few days.

not without reasons though...

so many things had happened and are still happening especially the catastrophe in Japan...

left me wondering-

how much time do we ACTUALLY have to walk on the surface of this world?

Earth is breaking...slowly falling, shattering into fine dust...

i anticipate every second that draws the hour nearer and nearer

and each time disasters like this happen,

a sure feeling just tells me that the end is drawing near.

it's never easy to accept this fact though I believe it will eventually come.

part of it is because there are so many things in life that i have yet to experience, to do, to encounter, to enjoy, to grief...

i'm feeling a choking lump in my throat and watery eyes while i'm writing this.

the hour is creeping in rapidly, silently, like that of a phantom...

yes i am scared.

i tremble with the mere thoughts of having to live to see the world fall apart.

i promise not to blame if you believe that Armageddon will remain a mere fantasy scene in the movies...

but judging from the frequencies of the occurance of natural disasters and conflicts among nations...

mankind WILL be put to test soon.

soon, but don't know when the time is.

and when the darkest hours fall upon mankind,

cries of sufferings,

mourns over dead family members,

pleas for mercy and forgiveness

will be heard- day and night.

but i believe the voices that He wants to hear when He decides to some and redeem his Kingdom would be the restless prayers of His people.

but we need not wait until that day to start praying.

pray for the nations who have yet to come to know Him,

pray for repentance and redemption,

pray for salvation,

in fact,

let Him know His people are waiting for Him.

let our prayers pierce the Heaven and reach His ears.

Lord,

i maybe shaking in fear knowing that the days will not be easy when You decide to redeem this world,

but let me be steadfast in my faith and love in You till the day You come again.

The Meaning Of Kindness

some actions of men really disgust me.

i don't need blood-spilling situations to arouse the anger and disappointments suppressed.

the devastating earthquake + tsunami + nuclear plant explosion catastrophe in Japan doesn't seem to wake the ignorance of the nations all around the world.

people just don't care about the sufferings the Japs are bearing.

yes, i do not deny the fact that relief funds are being raised, people are flying from half way around the world to rescue victims.

the whole world is talking about this Armageddon-like tragedy,

but it saddens me so much because the netizens are not doing their very least to ease this time of emergency.

people,

do you realize that the victims are actually trying to make calls to their family and friends just to make sure that they're ok?

telephone lines, the internet, undersea cables etc- almost all means of communication are severely affected

there and then i witness people visiting sites which are obscenely-loaded with multimedia like nobody's business.

some even loath the slowness and under-performance of the wireless line.

i mean, come on peeps!

give a chance for the victims to confirm their loved ones' safety!

i have friends in Japan and up till this day i still can't contact them.

do you know that kind of anticipation? the fear? the agony of over-worrying?

stop bullshitting about how much you can and intend to donate to the victims when you don't even learn to refrain yourself from surfing youtube, for instance.

it may seem insignificant if one person stop visiting these sites for the time being, but think the impact we can make if everyone come to their senses and give way for the Japs to make necessary calls to their loved ones?

don't get me wrong. i'm not against surfing the net totally.

it's not wrong to go on FB, check emails, youtube occasionally if necessary.

just don't over do it!

the message that i wish to convey is that let's refrain ourselves for the time-being. just a little while more to allow things to get better in Japan.

donation/charity need not to be solely in the form of $ and allow it to be some reasons for people to boast about their "generosity".

i believe we can show our concern through simple actions.

yet, many fail to realize the fact that small things matters most and start yapping about all the great, enormous things they intent to achieve.

when will there be a change in people's mentalities?

i hope we don't have to wait till THE day to realize that.

安靜 (約書亞樂團)

Adam Lambert - Sleepwalker (Live) Great Vocals!!

Sleepfucker perhaps?

Adam Lambert Aftermath Acoustic AI March 10, 2011

Aftermath

Japan,

as mournful wails and heart-wrenching pleas fill the silence of the aftermath...

may HE comfort you in this moment of devastation and desperation.

God is merciful.

do you think it was easy for HIM to wipe out the very being that was created according to HIS image?

do you not feel HIS pain when the tears of Heaven touched the earth the whole day?

do you think HE did not felt the pain of a father who witnessed the death of his own children?

NEVER deem HIM a cruel God for HE simply isn't.

HE's being kind enough not to make 10/3/2011 THE day.

HE's giving us more time to repent,

to turn away from our sins,

to preach the true gospel,

to bring HIS lost children back to HIS kingdom.

THE day is drawing near.

are WE prepared for HIM?

are YOU prepared for HIM?

am I prepared for HIM?

Are You Okay?

i don't understand why people like to ask that question.

even if i'm not,

it's not of your filthy business, sorry to say.

but seriously,

i am NOT not okay.

it's just me.

i'm a vampire-wannabe, DUH~

i AM supposed to be spotted brooding into the spaces, looking pale and anemic with dark circles under my eyes...

and i AM allowed to sigh at this world that just don't fit into mine.

it's awfully nice of some people to show their concern,

but it's utterly brute when you make feel as if something is wrong with me when i'm actually perfectly fine!

and sometimes, it's really none of your business.

i hate people who likes to stick their noses into other people's pants, sniffing butts.

MYFOB!

i will tell if i want to tell,

not having to succumb to your endlessly irritating pester and demand!

gimme a break will ya?

after all,

we are not THAT close like you imagine.

the ugly truth-

I'M JUST NOT THAT INTO TELLING YOU MY FUCKING BUSINESS, PERIOD

A Deadly Equation

did u know...

if you mix your ordinary Ribena blackcurrant drink with lukewarm water,

you'll get a sparkling blood-red drink that actually taste very much like blood?

you know, that peculiar iron-y taste that lingers in your tongue after you lick your wounded finger?

ahh~

that's the kind of taste you'll get.

you don't trust me?

try it for yourself =)

how did i get to know this?

well of course i've tried it myself!

(which part of the trying? blood or Ribena + warm water)

hmmm...

i can say BOTH!

i see my confession has given some people the creeps M(^v-v^)M

you would have guessed that i'm showing signs of changing into a vampire eh?

nah~

i'm still waaaaaaaaay too holy to be on the changling list.

plus,

solid food still tempts me a lot!

if ever my diet preference has somehow reveal that there's a need for "liquid" nourishment,

i'll let you know.

or perhaps i shouldn't at all *evil smirk*

but for now,

a glass of lukewarm Ribena drink will keep me happily sated.

world's simplest equation:-

+

=

???????

WTF ^V^

Dead End

too many times...

too many times have i come to the brink of writing inspiration for the heaps of assignments lying so painfully stark on my work table.

i know i have a deadline to catch.

but what if i cannot make it?

judging from the speed of my working style,

i doubt i can produce 'masterpieces' like how i used to...

i'm in paranoia-

these days i question myself a lot...

was it the right choice to be here, right now-

doing something i 'must' do instead of something i 'want' to do...

i know what i'm lack of-

it's passion!

there was a time when writing (any genre) came so natural for me.

but today's not the case anymore...

i struggle for hours in front of my faithful writing companion- my dear old laptop to even come up with an average sentence...

what has become of me?

where can i regain my passion though it's not something of my preference...

sometimes i wonder-

would life be sailing smooth if i chose to go for my desires,

to chase after my dreams that now seemed to require me to wait in hesitation for another year or two.

but it's already too late to make a u-turn.

not that i can't,

but if i do so, hearts will be broken...

and it is not my wish to witness such hurtful heartbreak.

guess i'm stuck with this shit for the next two years...

God please lend me Your wisdom.

'cause it'll be impossible to get things done if i don't learn to rely on You.

You know i'll never settle with an average job,

and yet now i'm having so much doubt in myself.

please restore my confidence-

i want nothing but the best and i know i have the BEST-est friend and it's You, God ^^

thank you for carrying me through the good times and the bad...

and i know this time will be the same too!

Papa~ 'bao bao' (mandarin: carry me~~~in a manja tone, of course ^^)

Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word

three words, eight letters, so difficult to say.

they're stuck inside of me, they try and stay away.

but this is too important to let them have their way.

i need to do it now, i must do it today.

i am sorry.

i don't mean to put our friendship to the test,

let alone break it.

i've hurt you...

without knowing as i typed the words with quick fingers i wrote things that spoiled your mood for the day.

dear friend, you know i didn't mean what i say.

who else but you know better that i'll never say a single thing bad about you?

now that you refuse to reply my messages...

i'm really sorry...

friend,

when you are upset, i am too!

what more if the reason was me?!

i'm really really sorry.

can you forgive me?

I Want To Take Both Roads!!!

i'm tired of waiting-

waiting for that impossibly possible thing to happen...

so sick of having to decide which path to choose...

why is it that the roads have to diverge each time when important decisions need to be made?

wouldn't it be better if the roads eventually converge at the final destination?

why do different roads bring me to places so extreme from each other?

i don't wanna live for what ifs...

i wanna make every what ifs in my life possible!

but here come limitations, restrictions, constraints, road blocks bla bla bla...

sometimes you know what you WANT to choose,

but you are obliged to choose the one you SHOULD choose...

you get what i mean?

why can't we have both?

why do we need to choose?

does my life mirrors that of a game of chess?

one wrong move and i'm doomed. period.

well, at least let me have a checkmate...

please????

The Road Not Taken by Robert Frost

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,

And sorry I could not travel both

And be one traveler, long I stood

And looked down one as far as I could

To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,

And having perhaps the better claim

Because it was grassy and wanted wear,

Though as for that the passing there

Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay

In leaves no step had trodden black.

Oh, I marked the first for another day!

Yet knowing how way leads on to way

I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.

The Day I Wept For Humanity

today's a day we should grief for humanity.

look around you...

there are people of twisted mentality lurking all around you...

they put up angelic faces to mask their true demonic nature.

they take pain for pleasure.

they waste their leisure time watching others struggling for the very last breath of air in their lungs.

they love the intoxicating scent and sight of blood splattered all over the place.

asylums aren't enough for them-

they need to be thrown to hell for the cruelty they have taken pleasure on.

perhaps they ARE sent from the evil one to plunder and pillage the very last hope for a better world.

people,

how many times have we made famous a video by cold-blooded animal torturers?

did you enjoy what you've saw?

this afternoon was my first time ever watching a video shot with such gruesome motif-

not of BDSM fetish liking,

but out of curiosity and ignorance...

like the famous saying- 'curiosity kills the cat'

it sure killed the hell out of me!

i was left with a corrupted-ly disturbed mind and a hammer-banging sensation in my head-

since the moment i was done with the video.

cruel bitch! where is your heart?

have you traded it with s*t*n for money, fame and fortune?

you twisted fuck!

i don't feel sorry for the poor bunnies because i know their souls have left their mutilated bodies from your continuous brutal tortures.

i am weeping for humanity instead.

when did man become so inhuman?

where are your sanities?

have you flushed morality down the toilet bowl?

because i'm so fucking sure that your brains are even more filthy than whatever that is dwelling in the sewage system!

why has it become so easy to take one's life even if that's of a beast?

that's counted as a life too, isn't it?

you think you'll gain popularity by acting pretty while you crushed and trampled the frail bodies of the poor bunnies?

yes, you ARE popular now-

you are popularly known in God's eyes for the gruesome and unforgivable sins you have committed!

and you know what?

HE will let you taste the fruit you've planted the day you meet the grim reaper.

you just wait and see the day your body is being stomp, trampled and crushed like a mangled rug...

and your torture will be for ETERNITY!

St. Valentine's Story

Let me introduce myself. My name is Valentine. I lived in Rome during the third century. That was long, long ago! At that time, Rome was ruled by an emperor named Claudius. I didn't like Emperor Claudius, and I wasn't the only one! A lot of people shared my feelings.
Claudius wanted to have a big army. He expected men to volunteer to join. Many men just did not want to fight in wars. They did not want to leave their wives and families. As you might have guessed, not many men signed up. This made Claudius furious. So what happened? He had a crazy idea. He thought that if men were not married, they would not mind joining the army. So Claudius decided not to allow any more marriages. Young people thought his new law was cruel. I thought it was preposterous! I certainly wasn't going to support that law!
Did I mention that I was a priest? One of my favorite activities was to marry couples. Even after Emperor Claudius passed his law, I kept on performing marriage ceremonies -- secretly, of course. It was really quite exciting. Imagine a small candlelit room with only the bride and groom and myself. We would whisper the words of the ceremony, listening all the while for the steps of soldiers.
One night, we did hear footsteps. It was scary! Thank goodness the couple I was marrying escaped in time. I was caught. (Not quite as light on my feet as I used to be, I guess.) I was thrown in jail and told that my punishment was death.
I tried to stay cheerful. And do you know what? Wonderful things happened. Many young people came to the jail to visit me. They threw flowers and notes up to my window. They wanted me to know that they, too, believed in love.
One of these young people was the daughter of the prison guard. Her father allowed her to visit me in the cell. Sometimes we would sit and talk for hours. She helped me to keep my spirits up. She agreed that I did the right thing by ignoring the Emperor and going ahead with the secret marriages. On the day I was to die, I left my friend a little note thanking her for her friendship and loyalty. I signed it, "Love from your Valentine."
I believe that note started the custom of exchanging love messages on Valentine's Day. It was written on the day I died, February 14, 269 A.D. Now, every year on this day, people remember. But most importantly, they think about love and friendship. And when they think of Emperor Claudius, they remember how he tried to stand in the way of love, and they laugh -- because they know that love can't be beaten!

It doesn't matter if you are alone on Valentine's Day...

But you are in grave danger if you feel lonely.

It's a matter a choice, people ^^

~Happy St. Valentine's Day~

Helluva Lucky

i recall my wish list for last Christmas...

they were impossible dreams at first sight.

well at least they were seem that way to me =P

The 12 Things I want for Christmas 2010 were:-

1. black leather laced up platform boots

2. black leather biker jacket

3. black leather pants

4. restyle my boring hair (includes extremely edgy cuts and bleaching it blonde =D)

5. stash up my make up collection

7. new cellphone (Galaxy 5, Vivaz Pro or Experia Mini Pro)

8. revamp my laptop

9. attend Adam's Glamnation tour concert

10. get a job with a monthly income of approximately RM1800

11. live at anywhere but my own house in Melaka

12. find someone 'special' for good (peer & parent pressure la...what to do?)

i must say i'm one helluva lucky gal!

you see, of all the 12 items i've wished for, half of them were already realized!

they're no longer dreams that goes 'pooof' the moment i open my eyes in the morning.

in fact,

all of them are lying comfortably in my wardrobe right now ^V^

God is good to me!

the first dream that came true was to live AWAY from home.

conflicts, frictions... these crap happens when two people live too long together in the same space, what more when my home was so tiny...

mum i missed you every moment i'm away from you

but at the same time,

thank you for letting loose the kite so it can soar high on it's own again =)

next up was my black leather jacket-

it was everything that i wanted of a black leather biker jacket! (faux leather though =P)

my black leather platform boots were not that of what i've imagined it to be.

i wanted something like this, initially...

but after having tried walking on these and also serious considerations on practicality...

i ended up with something like this instead...

no complains at all!

these babies were super comfortable to walk with!

most important of all, they "elevated" my vertically-challenged body and "elongated" my lobak legs! SUPER SEXXXY!

maybe this Christmas i'll wish for boots like these for a change hehe...

p/s: Pretty Kitty Tommy Joe wears these babies too ^^

actually i didn't wish for a pair of black leather pants at all because i know how uncomfortable it'll be to move in those skimpy, skin-hugging stuff.

but then...

Nichii made my dreams come true!

For RM79, i got myself a pair of shimmering black jeans that looks and feels like leather pants!

and they told me i look like a star when i wore all those black babies at the same time! lol

i'm flattered teehee =P

i do not deny the fact that my love for black AND leather stuffs are all thanks to my adoration on Adam Lambert and Tommy Joe Ratliff!

they've been such great inspiration to my latest fashion sense lately.

and people actually noticed this resemblance \(^V^)/

i heard someone called me Rocker Girl~ hey hey i LOVE it! lolz =3

got a hair cut before Chinese New Year and i know it's waaaaaay too far from my concept of an edgy hair cut!

i wanted Tommy's hair!

if not...this will do just fine!

sadly, i ended up with the world's most boring hair cut (no photos to show you how pathetically 'not cool' i was:[ )

but i dyed my hair in the shade of burgandy brown two nights ago and my image took a whole new twist!

it was just the thing i needed to 'zing' up that boring look i had! hehe =)

though the color was no where near blonde but at least this will keep me sated for a long time ^^

my cosmetic pouch is gaining weight fast!

it started to have cellulite bulge here and there =P

girls and their make up! that's just so true on me ^^

can't seem to get my hands off black eyeliners, especially the glitter ones! heyhey~~

i don't mind at all investing in a larger cosmetic pouch *evil laugh*

i'm almost there!!!

just wait till i have a stable job and income, i'll buy the whole Etude House, The Face Shop and Skin Food for my own! MUAHAHAHA!!!

bought embellishment stickers to adorn my 5 year old laptop on the 4th day of CNY.

the stickers were in the shade of shimmering bronze with owls and gothic-looking creepers!

just the thing i love!

it would have been perfect if the stickers were black in shade ^^

then again, i'm satisfied for what i have now and i've got my darlin' Wendy to thank ^^

there you go...

the 6 things from my wish list- came true within the timeline of 2 months!

i know you're having a jaw-drop now teehee (^U^)V

as for the other 6 remaining items on my wish list...

sigh~

they are not TOTALLY impossible...

i believe...

it's just a matter of time and financial stability.

i know i WILL get it someday!

Jo always gets what she wants ^^

p/s: all pictures are taken from various sources of the internet. i'm a poor student, deprived from advanced techno-gadgets; a camera for instance =P if you wanna have a peek on my dreams that came true, just pay me a visit! always welcome you with open arms =D

Mad TV - McDonalds (Fat ass it)

Mad TV Gay Gangster Fight

LMAO ^^

Vamps- Devil Side

'Corkscrew' will offer something like this ^^

Adam Lambert Parody

how dare you mother fuckers do this to my darling? @#$%^&*?!

but seriously...

it's hilarious! =P

I Hate St. Valentine's Day

bloody hell

this is the time when the world around me make me look so small...

so insignificant...

so starkly naked from the norms of the society.

yes, i HATE Valentine's Day.

the green eye monster's creeping in my nerves,

i'm having a hangover thanks to doses of bitter jealously injected into my veins...

i stand alone in the streets filled with couples holding hands, warm by each other's embrace, melted by soft kisses, love fortress strengthen with new vows and promises.

and i am not part of that event...

how sad

how pathetic

how nerve-breaking it is to me!

i have no problems with people who are already in a relationship! bless you and your partner, long live happiness!

the only person that ticks me off is myself.

not that i'm angry because of my lack of capability of finding true love,

but

the stupidity of an arrogant b*tch that allows her encounters with true love brush pass her shoulders...

yes i HATE St. Valentine's Day

and

i've only got myself to blame...

random~

i can't close my eyes

you're the reason why

every night i cry

like i've lost my mind

crazy for you boy

is what you've done to me

dump me like a broken toy

shattered pieces are what made of me

i can never be free

from this insanity

costing my dignity

turning me to something i'm not suppose to be

hush don't say a word

'cause all you do is hurt

i know you fake our love

so stop saying i'm all of the above

forget your kisses

erase your embrace

let go off these memories

bury them deep

never to be touched by light

only left alone to die

need not to grief

'cause i've done it already

Another Moment Spent Thinking Of You

why do i have to live to see you run away from me all the time?

what's your intention?

what do you want with my life?

you keep me hanging on yet never show signs of interest.

do you know that i stop breathing whenever you ditch our conversation just like that?

who am i to you?

am i the one you think of every night before you close your eyes?

or am i just another girl passing by?

can't you see you've driven me so crazy i have to write about you each time i cry?

why is it you need to be the reason behind my tears?

you'll never notice my tears...

you've never noticed me from the start.

so what am i hoping for actually?

i don't know...

because you've never show me your feelings,

not even a slight peek into your world.

you slammed the door tight before my face...

like i can never fit into your expectations.

i know i'm not the one you want...

but damnit!

you're sure hell are the one i've been foolishly falling in love with.

and you just stomp all over my broken heart...

left me bleeding...

blood gushing out from open wounds...

a see vultures circling the dark skies-

if this the end?

is this OUR end?

I Want You

i wanna sink my teeth in you...

drink in your essence-

let it fill my veins till i'm drunk in nothing but you.

i'll lick your cream till the very last drop,

yes, you'll taste so sweet just like a dream

your scent is so empowering every time i draw air into my nostril

i'm bewitched by your allure...

i want you now!

what? you dirty-minded people!!! *smirk*

Cross Roads =(

how does it feel having fear and anticipation intertwined?

the frantic heartbeat- separated by a fine line of mixed emotions...

one second you are want to go for it, the next second you just wanna get outta the game.

this feeling sucks!

some people had their life dictated by another individual and they fought hard for freedom, let's just say i'm the opposite kind.

i would rather let my life be decided by someone than having to do the deciding on my own...

yes,

i don't mind living a life pre-planned as long as it's reasonably comfortable.

no complains!!!

but tis' not something i get to CHOOSE!

again, it involves decisions and it's be a pain in the ass lately.

i wanna get the hell outta that fucking place, precisely, that person.

yet...

dammit! it's so hard to find the courage to tell him to go fuck himself, in a polite way of course!

the right time, the right place, the right mood etc

all these factors to consider and it ticks me off!!!

i just wanna choose a road that will lead to to happiness.

MY happiness!!!

then again, happiness tends to come with a hefty price.

can i afford it?

Irritation Well-Represented

'No' was never even an option

my freedom always put up for auction

all i could do is jump in frustration

but then again who am i to question?

you thought yourself as the ultimate perfection

you think you make up a whole new nation

your vulgarness are nothing but contamination

your lame jokes are but blunt irritation

shut up now you're so out of fashion

no one likes your stupiditation

can you please understand my situation

and stop causing major destruction

funny thing you say that i am 'action'

when all i did was shut up and listen

how can you be such an ugly pollution

making me hate you sans hesitation

please behave in any condition

not forgetting also the location

stop the embarrassing stop the accusation

unless you're paving way to hell and damnation

Eulogy: My Baby

you left my world not long ago
i grief
i cried
i lost control

baby i still see you in my dreams
the happy times and also sad scenes

i missed you so badly
i want you to know
i would do anything
just to bring you home

RIP Ah Bing

Failed Relationships Aren't Meant To Be Rehearsed

i though i saw a light in you
hopes and wishes will all come true
thought you'll bring me stars and the moon
never knew you'll treat me a fool

i gave my heart i gave my soul
i took every opportunity just to show
that my love for you will never grow old
i'll love you till the day we turn cold

then you shy away from me one day
and left me dumb-founded in dismay
you wouldn't listen to the words i say
you wouldn't care to even look my way

why do you need to be so mean?
denying us from new extremes
now you make everything seems
as if it's only just a fucking dream

you keep me hanging by a frail thread
never bother about tears i've shed
and now i think i'm a little mad
thanks to all the hateful words you've said

i tried to forget you i tried so hard
i even thought of wrecking my heart
suddenly you return and ask for a new start
if i say 'yes' i'm sure i'm a retard

you need to know i've already moved on
although at times i might cry and mourn
the ugly ending makes me forlorn
i drown in my tears all night long

"goodbye my love" are my only words
in grief, in pain i shall immerse
for nothing will flower between the two of us
so let's not talk about another rehearse

Sigh~

What?

It's only the second day and I am already dead tired.

I heard someone said the clock ticks slower when you have nothing to do.

Totally agree!!!

I rather be pronounced dead squash by heaps of assignments than to die of boredom.

I have nothing to do and yet I can't leave this place as I wish. And the worst part is I've got nothing to do.

Merely sitting here wandering here and there. Waiting to be scolded by some people who can't seemed to get over with the amount of free time I have (for now).

Damn!

And I'm not being sulky for no reasons, you know?!

Feeling so lost as if you are walking alone with absolutely no maps or GPS in the Amazon.

I feel like a microscopic krill carried away by the coming waves of the vast ocean.

Don't know where to go.

Don't know where the next wave will take me.

And there is danger lurking everywhere.

Be it life-threatening or otherwise, this lonely journey in this lonely planet is certainly nothing to be much excited about.

Though there are people for you can ask for assistance, it only happen once in awhile.

And this loneliness is eating away all the joy and excitement prior to my admission to this institution.

I'm now all alone.

I missed the days when we terrorized the faculty with a 60 people strong army of TESLians.

We were so loud back then.

Now, I drown in the vast ocean. Having no one to really hold onto.

Yesterday someone told me she cried on the phone while speaking to her family far away from where she is now.

Home-sickness...

Why is it so easy for her to cry?

How come I find it so difficult to wash away this solemness with streams of tears?

Uneasiness grows in me,

slowly...

I smell trouble and the stench is growing stronger and stronger...

Can someone help?

Am I to allow myself to be stripped naked, strapped and exploited in the near future?

I don't know...

But a sure feeling follows.

I guess I better brace myself for whatever that lies ahead of me.

If not, I might as well be a piece of dead meat before someone kills me first!

I missed my friends who never ceased to have my back whenever I need them.

And in times like this I yearn for their support even more.

But they are all so far away from me now...

Sigh~

It's a heavy price to pay for the things that I want to achieve...

Money- The Root of All EVIL~~~

Can't believe I will broke in a few months time.

Starting to regret for having not save all my paycheck for this semester.

How humiliating it is to still spending my mum's money for my education...

Look at my friends who are earning for themselves AND their family.

They can do whatever they want with their money and not having to take the word- BUDGET so seriously like I am now.

At times like this I really wish I was born with a silver spoon stuck in my mouth- no need to worry about expenses on food, lodging, petrol, insurance, tuition fees... (and the list goes on and on and on and on...)

Damn, I can't even indulge myself in the pleasure of shopping as much as I used to ;(

It sucks to be broke.

Actually I don't mind living sans shopping sprees. REALLY.

I just don't want to live overly dependent on my mum who works so hard to provide the best for me...

It's high time things change and yet I can only anticipate to see the light in April.

I'm gonna be pretty broke this semester so God please help me to refrain myself from over indulgence. In fact indulgence should also be left untouched until the day I get a solid RM1,500 in my pocket monthly.

Till then, I'm declared broke ;(

Huh? Erm...What?!

WOW!

Finally this day has come!

It's so surreal! Can't believe I'm actually HERE right now.

I'm so starstruck I really have no idea what I am suppose to do...

A mixture of excitement, disbelieve, denial...

Am I really able to do this?

I'm kinda scared actually. So much of uncertainties troubled this already troubled mind...

God help me to be serious this time.